


The Force Renewed - Act II

by ccgh518



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canon-Typical Violence, Doggy Style, Drama & Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, In Memory of Carrie Fisher, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Training, Lightsaber Battles, Major Original Character(s), Masturbation, Multi, New Jedi Order, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Planet Naboo (Star Wars), Portum, Post-Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redeemed Ben Solo, Romance, Scarif, Sex, Smut, Vanooria, Varykino, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-12 20:55:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 26,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9090385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ccgh518/pseuds/ccgh518
Summary: Five years ago, Ben Solo was trusted with a mission to act as a double agent for the new Jedi Order. The Jedi Council tasked him with infiltrating the First Order, gaining the trust of Supreme Leader Snoke, and destroying the entire regime from the inside out. Since the Starkiller Base was destroyed a year ago, Ben has completed his mission. Now he must try to reacclimate to his former life as a Jedi, and win back the woman he loved and married five years ago, Cattsu-Dyas.Reading Act I: Who Truly Awakened the Force is not necessary, but recommended.





	1. The Testimony

**Author's Note:**

> This was interesting to finally get on the site because I have had most of the plot to Act II written down on paper for the better part of this year. It features Leia so heavily and writing about her trying to repair her relationship and save her son today was weird. It made me forget how crappy of a day it has been. I'll miss you so much, General Organa. Thank you for all you did for the Star Wars universe, my childhood, the stigma on mental health, and creating a generation of girls who knew that they could be damsels who could get themselves out of their own distress. Rest in Peace, Carrie Fisher. - 12/27/16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo, a former Jedi Knight, now infamously known throughout the galaxy as the brutal and deadly Kylo Ren, has surrendered himself over to the New Republic. He has revealed himself to be a double-agent working for the New Jedi Order the whole time. He has murdered Supreme Leader Snoke and completely wiped out the First Order. Now he waits on Coruscant as he is being tried for his crimes.

 

> "I don't think I can do it, Leia. I don't think it's even a good idea for me to be in the same building as him. There is no way he doesn't know that I am here." Master Jedi Cattsu Dyas said firmly to General Leia Organa. "Look at him, if I didn't know better, I wouldn't even think that that was him." She stared at the monitor showing a man with wildly shaggy black hair, piercing black eyes, and a massive scar coming across his face. 
> 
> "Rey, Luke, Shaak, Poe, all three of your brothers and myself are all testifying on his behalf, Cat.... even Senator Pooja Naberrie is speaking on his behalf for the Senate. I understand that this pains you but he doesn't deserve to be sitting in that room in chains. You know that." Leia countered. "I am just asking you to consider it."
> 
> "I don't think I can... too much has happened."
> 
> "You and I have suffered more than most. Maybe more than anyone else, but him.... You know, when I found out that you two had gotten married, I was happy. It gave Ben something to fight for and come home to, and I thought, with your convictions, that you would be strong enough to be there for him when this all ended, regardless of what happened... I am disappointed to find out that I was wrong." Leia snapped at Cattsu. "I need to go talk to the judge before the trial begins, I hope to see you in there."

Cattsu watched as her mother-in-law walked out of the room and left her alone with just the monitor. She stared blankly at the screen and then walked out of the room. She was resigned to leave Coruscant and not speak on his behalf. 

He sat in a floating metal box, covered with a glass dome, in the center of the large, cavernous trial room. There were hundreds of people in that room and he could feel each one of them glaring down on him. His mother, Leia Organa, had been speaking of how he was as a child for a while now and he was having a difficult time listening to it. He wasn't sure if he was still the young boy that she described with such thought and emotion. He had seen so much and done so many horrible things over the five years that he was gone, that a large part of him no longer felt any connection with the innocence of the boy in his mother's memories, or even of the man he was when he left at twenty years old. 

He heard a chiming that brought him from his inward thoughts and back to the present to see the bailiff whisper something in the judges ear. 

> "Thank you for your candor, General Organa. You may be seated." The New Republic appointed judge said in a booming voice. 

Ben watched as the pod that his mother was sitting in whirred back to its docking platform. His mother looked so much older than he remembered. He hung his head in sadness. The gallery pods were filled with strangers who angrily stared back at him. He knew that most people would not believe the testimonies of his family. He was relying on those character statements lining up with the testimonies of those from the Jedi and the Resistance. The judge announced a final and last minute addition to the testimony list. 

> "Master Jedi Cattsu-Dyas, please come forward."

Murmurs and gasps echoed through the room at the mention of the young Jedi Master's name. Ben felt his stomach flip and all of the blood rush to his face, as he watched a small, shrouded figure come forward to the center of the room in her testimonial pod. He was aching for her to remove the hood from her dark and plain, navy blue cloak so that he could see her face for the first time in four years. He was both aching to see her and dreading the look of disdain from the woman he still loved but had not come to see him since his surrender to the Republic. 

> "Whenever you are ready, Master Jedi." The judge bellowed. 

She lowered her hood and rose from her seat. She was older and more mature looking, but more gorgeous than he remembered. The sound of her voice sent tingles down his spine.

> "Only some of you will know this... I am the wife of Ben Solo..." The chamber echoed with audible gasps. She continued. "When I first met him, at the age of sixteen, he was already haunted by the coming of the now deceased Supreme Leader Snoke and the now destroyed First Order. He had visions of the future; of what horrors were to come. They caused a great amount of grief in him. He walled himself off from everyone, but he let me pass through those barriers in time. I found a young man that was a wonderful, smart, passionate, romantic and caring. He saved my life, and those of other Jedi on countless occasions throughout his tenure... before he left. He was a kind and patient teacher to many Younglings and to my brother, Sifo-Dyas II, who was Ben Solo's padawan learner at the time."

He watched as she spoke about him but stared straight forward to the judge the entire time. He knew how passionately she could speak about him and their love, and this was not that. He was devastated.

> "All of these things may be true, but I am not here today to speak as the wife of Ben Solo. I _am_ here to speak on behalf of the Jedi Council. Five years ago, the new Jedi Council, consisting of my Father, Grand Master Jedi Byro-Dyas, Grand Master Jedi Luke Skywalker, and Master Jedi Connsu-Dyas, sent Ben Solo, then a Jedi Knight, on a mission on behalf of the galaxy. This mission was committed as a great personal sacrifice to Solo. Ben was ordered by the Council, with the permission of the Senate, to infiltrate the First Order, and grow close enough to Supreme Leader Snoke that he could be struck down. We faked the murder of a dozen Younglings and gave Solo the opportunity to get an in with the Knights of Ren, knowing that they would bring him to Snoke." 
> 
> "So, Master Jedi, you are saying that the accused did not murder anyone?" The judge asked, leadingly. 
> 
> "I am saying that he did not murder those Younglings. They had already perished before they ever set foot on Devaron, and not at the hands on Ben Solo. I cannot say that people did not die throughout the process of the mission."
> 
> "What about your father!" A bystander screamed from above.
> 
> "SILENCE! I will not have interruptions from the gallery again." The judge roared. 
> 
> "Like I said... there were casualties. Ben Solo was to topple the First Order by any means necessary. He was to take life when he needed but if possible, to stand on the sidelines and not commit the acts if he could, as he did when Commander Hux used the Starkiller Base to destroy Hosnian Prime." She responded. "Ben Solo simply did what was asked and he completed his mission. This galaxy is undoubtedly safer and freer because of his complete destruction of the First Order. He committed a selfless sacrifice when he left to take on this mission. He protected the Jedi Order and the galaxy from being wiped out or held hostage by the diabolical Snoke." Cattsu paused for a moment to gather herself. "So, on behalf of the Jedi Order, we believe that Ben Solo is not guilty of any charges. But in reality, the Council and I know that that is not likely to be the sentence, so we request that the sentence of execution be taken off of the table. Thank you for your time, Your Honor."

She bowed her head and sat back down as the testimonial pod returned back to its dock. 

> "With all of this information, I have come to a sentencing. For all of the stormtroopers from the First Order, you will be sentenced to deprogramming, monitoring, and counseling on Kamino, with the possibility of release back into civilian life at the end of two years. The trials of the officers of the First Order, who refused to plead guilty, will commence next week. Finally, Ben Solo..."

Ben's pod rose back to the very center of the room, next to the Judge. He stood up, clanking as his shackles moved with him.  

> "The character witnesses and testimonies have been revealing, Solo." The judge barked. "I believe that you  _did_ do a service to our galaxy by eliminating the First Order, but your heinous crimes cannot be forgotten. I have learned that you have a stable home to go back to. I am not certain that imprisonment for life is completely fair, but neither is automatic freedom. I sentence you to house-arrest, with monitoring by the Jedi, at Portum. I look forward to seeing you back here in one year's time, for reevaluation and further sentencing. This court is adjourned." 

The trial room erupted in screams and cries and gasps. He was stunned. He looked straight at the testimonial pod that Cattsu was in, just to see her angry face suddenly shrouded again by her cloak, as she turned around and walked away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Act II will feature heavy themes of redemption, and the lack of trust that has been built up over the past five years since we last left Ben, Cattsu and everyone else back in Act I.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this piece as much as the last.


	2. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo has just been sentenced to house arrest on Naboo, at Cattsu-Dyas and his secret estate in the lake country, Portum. Cattsu confronts Ben in his holding cell before returning to Portum to fortify it against the unstable new visitor.

She walked to the door of the holding room and took a deep breath. The man who had killed her father, his father, and thousands of people in between, but was also still technically her husband, sat on the other side of the door. A couple of years ago, after Ben Solo had murdered her father, Grand Master Jedi Byro-Dyas, son of Master Jedi Sifo-Dyas, creator of the clone army, Cattsu thought she had lost her young husband to the Dark Side for good. She had come to terms with the fact that she would never see him again and at that point, in her mourning and rage, she was fine with that. 

When Ben had gone on to kill his father, Captain Han Solo, and fought his cousin, Rey Skywalker, in a lightsaber battle, Cattsu was even more sure that he had been completely consumed in darkness. She also thought that he had perished when Starkiller Base had been destroyed. So when she received the news that Kylo Ren had surrendered to the Resistance, she had a hard time believing it. Until earlier that day, when she sat in the same room as him and spoke on his behalf in his sentencing trial. 

She handed her lightsaber to her padawan, Filonia, and hit the panel that opened the door. His black hair was long and untamed and covered the eyes that used to be a golden brown, but had now darkened to a rich black, with only flecks of brown remaining. His facial features were the same, more mature, but still handsome and sharp. The glaring difference was the massive scar that reached from above his left eyebrow to below his right cheek. 

Besides the physical differences, Cattsu felt the change in his demeanor. He was tense, resentful, filled with rage and conflict, and struggling more than she had ever felt him struggle before. This was not the man who left her five years ago. He was different. 

> "Aren't you going to sit?" Ben said as he stared straight at her. As he raised his hands to gesture at the empty seat across from him, Cattsu flinched at the sound of his metal chains clanking against the metal table. 
> 
> "No.." She replied quickly.
> 
> "It's good to see you, Cattsu." Ben said kindly. 
> 
> She paced the floor in front of him. "Portum is different than you remember. I've purchased all of the surrounding estates, with the exception of Varykino, and have turned it into a compound for the Jedi to train at... It will be a few days until we can fortify it enough to hold you... so you'll have to stay here a while longer."
> 
> "That's fine. Thank you for allowing me to recuperate there, I know you.."
> 
> Cattsu interrupted him. "Do not be mistaken, I had no say in the matter. Your mother suggested it to the Judge and did not tell me until it was too late. Vanooria, jail, Jaku, Devaron, anywhere would have been preferable to this arrangement." She said tersely. 
> 
> "I could speak to the Judge and request a different place but I'm afraid that he will probably just place me in jail..."

Ben raised his hands up to his face to push the long black strands covering his eyes behind his ear. The sound of his shackles clashing together caught her attention. Suddenly she was transfixed by his face. She could not see it as clearly before in the trial room as she could now. It was damaged and pained but it was Ben. She stepped forward and lowered herself into the chair opposite him. He watched her glide towards him, remembering how graceful and light she was.

> "Rey did a number on your face..."

She found herself in a moment of weakness, reaching out to tuck the leftover strand of soft black hair behind his ear. He leaned into her fingertips. She moved to touch the scar on his face. He flinched for a moment and then allowed her to trace the long scar.

> ".... I truly never thought I would see your face again..." She said softly. 

She touched his top lip and felt flashes of her old life with him come rushing back. Her moment of weakness was broken when she heard his chains rattle again, as he raised his hands to hold her wrists. She quickly rushed backwards, hit the panel on the wall, opened the door, and backed out of the holding cell. 

> "Cattsu, wait!" Ben shouted as the door shut in front of her. 
> 
> "Master, are you alright?" Filonia asked.
> 
> "No, we need to find General Organa now!" She barked. 

Cattsu and her padawan found Leia on the landing platform, boarding her ship. 

> "General! Stop!" Cattsu yelled, as she ran towards Leia on the platform. 
> 
> "Master Jedi..." Leia responded. 
> 
> "Leia," Cattsu pulled her aside. "You told the judge about Portum, didn't you?"
> 
> "Yes. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I did what I felt was right for Ben. He feels safe there, it was your home together. I think being there will help him. Anyway, besides the temple on Vanooria, Portum is the most isolated and secure place to keep Ben while he is rehabilitated."
> 
> "You had no right, Leia. This entire deal puts the people of Naboo at risk, it puts you at risk, it puts the Younglings and Padawans at risk and it makes no sense at all as to why you would do this......I think it's only fair that you stay here and escort your son to Portum... You're going to have to take evasive maneuvers to get there. People will be following you to find Ben. Practically the whole galaxy wants him dead... I will go ahead and prepare the estate for his arrival. I'll see you in a few days."

With that, Filonia pulled up with their cruiser and Cattsu boarded it, and headed to Naboo.

 


	3. The Ghost of the Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been weeks since Ben arrived on the estate in the lake country of Naboo, and he has remained confined to his cottage in the garden. However, the actions of some padawan learners force an interaction between Cattsu and Ben.

Two weeks had passed since Ben arrived at the Jedi compound, and his former home, Portum, in the Naboo lake country. He had barely left the small cottage in the garden, behind the main house, that he was put up in since arriving at the estate. Cattsu, his former lover and wife, had been avoiding the entirety of the garden just to prolong her evasion of him. The only person who had visited him was his mother, Leia, but mostly she just tried to make him discuss things that he was not ready or willing to talk about yet, so he had asked her to stop coming. He was in complete seclusion. 

Shaak Tano, a Jedi Knight and former padawan of Cattsu-Dyas, found her old Master in the dining room of the mansion and sat down next to her. 

> "Cattsu, we need to talk about Ben."
> 
> "Shaak, I am eating lunch, I do not want to talk about him."
> 
> "Cattsu..." Cattsu sighed heavily, lowered her fork to her plate and looked at Shaak, giving her her attention. "About a week ago, after dinner, in the evening, I was in the kitchen and looked out the window overlooking the garden and the cottage and found that the padawans who are supposed to be on guard outside of Ben's door were not there."
> 
> "Where were they?" 
> 
> "I don't know. I was about to go outside to check but before I could, I noticed a group of padawans, maybe four of them, hiding in the plasma berry bushes." Cattsu narrowed her eyes and furrowed her brow. "I watched as they shoved Padawan Huret out from behind the bush and then watched as he pelted Ben's front window with plasma berries. They got all over the window and the door and as soon as they heard the door unlocking, they all ran."
> 
> "Oh shit..." Cattsu sighed. 
> 
> "I thought that too and I was about to run out there to protect the apprentices but Ben... I mean, he was angry, he slammed his fist against the door, but then he came back outside with a rag and some water and just cleaned off the berries."

Cattsu looked confused. She pushed her plate away from her and leaned back in her chair. 

> "Since that happened I've been watching the cottage more closely at night when the padawans are supposed to be stationed outside and around eleven, each night, they are no where to be found and a group of padawans, sometimes different, sometimes the same group, show up and do something to tempt Ben. It has mostly been harmless like throwing berries or rocks or knocking on the door and windows and running... One of them even used their saber to cut off the heads of the flower bushes that you had outside of his door.... They're harassing him.. treating him as though he was some old ghost to be pranked."
> 
> "And each time he does not react?"
> 
> "Less and less with each day."

Cattsu got up and walked to the window overlooking the cottage and garden and stared. Shaak followed her. 

> "That is not how Jedi are supposed to act. Those little fools. They didn't know how Ben would react, none of us would know that. He could have gone after them, and clearly, none of them are any match for him." Cattsu pressed her fist into the countertop in front of her and stared ahead. "I'll call a Council meeting tomorrow and we'll figure out what to do with our obviously bored apprentices."
> 
> "Yes, Master..."

The next afternoon, Cattsu walked up to Ben's cottage and knocked on the front door. Ben did not answer, so she knocked again. When he still did not answer, she turned the knob and slowly opened the door. She kept her hand gently resting on the hilt of her lightsaber, still attached to the utility belt on her hip. She rounded the corner and saw Ben napping on the couch. When he heard her footsteps, he sprang up.

> "Cattsu! umm.. I didn.."
> 
>   
> "I am sorry to interrupt, just when no one answered the door, I was concerned."
> 
> "No, uh no.. I'm sorry, I was resting my eyes. Sit, please." Ben gestured to the couch that he was just sleeping on. 
> 
> Cattsu shook her head. "No, I can't stay. I just came by to tell you that I know what's been going on with the padawans and I am sorry. We had a Council meeting this morning and decided to double the padawans daily lessons, and we took away their privileges... and we're sending them to Vanooria in a months time, but they don't know that yet. Compared to here, they all find it quite miserable there so that should be a sufficient punishment."
> 
> "Oh, you didn't have to do all of that for me. It wasn't a big deal.. and it was a good test of my patience, so don't punish them on my behalf."
> 
> "We aren't." Cattsu said sternly. "We are punishing them because what they were doing was childish and cruel and not the way of the Jedi."
> 
> "Oh... right." Ben replied, caught off guard by her cold tone. 

He watched her as she looked around the room, examining how he had moved his limited amount of personal items in. He noticed her fidgeting with her hands, a nervous tick that she never used to have before. He also took note of the fact that she was wearing a black dress, it was plain and unflattering and hung from her too skinny frame. He had never seen her wear black before. It popped against her pale skin. 

> "Well... that's all. I just thought you should know that the padawans will not be bothering you anymore."
> 
> "Thank you, Cattsu." He said as he followed her to the front door. She touched the panel to open the door and turned around to face him.
> 
> "Ben... you are becoming mythical to them, that's why they were pranking you. They wanted to see what you would do, how you would react. Some of them wanted to fight you. They're all just young and impulsive but locking yourself away in here is not helping you be less mysterious to them." Ben nodded and then stared at the floor. "You should call on Sifo or Connsu.. or even Luke or Rey..."
> 
> "They don't want to see me, Cattsu."
> 
> "They would. They'd take walks with you or talk with you. I know Sifo would. He has missed his old teacher. They are not angry with you. They.... well, anyway. You should at least leave this cottage during the day... let the apprentices see you're not some ghostly creature."
> 
> "If you think that's best, I will do that." Ben said as he stepped closer to his former flame. He reached over her and placed his hand on the doorframe. She stepped out of the cottage and on to the door step.
> 
> "I'll have the groundskeeper come by to replace these bushes today.." She said as she looked at the decaying bushes.
> 
> "If you have him just bring by some tools and the new bushes, I can replant them."
> 
> "If you'd like......" She began to walk away, but turned around to address him once more. "I'm not sure if anyone ever clarified to you, but you don't have to stay on the estate, you can swim in the lake or row over to Varykino or even go walk to the waterfalls... you are just confined to our section of the lake country. So, try to get out." She nodded awkwardly and then turned around and walked back to the main house. 

Later that afternoon, Cattsu was walking through the garden, from the main house to the compound, heading to a lesson with the padawans. She looked over at the cottage and saw Ben on his knees in the front of the door, replanting the bushes. She paused to watch him, and when he looked up and saw her, he waved. She quickly went back on her way, but Ben smiled. He could feel the ice thawing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was think super Boo Radley from To Kill A Mockingbird vibes for Ben in this piece.


	4. The Encounters

 

> "So what's changed since I've been gone?" Ben asked Sifo-Dyas. 

Sifo was the namesake of his grandfather, Master Jedi Sifo-Dyas, the man who foresaw a war and commissioned an army of clones for the Old Republic. He was also Cattsu's beloved younger brother, and Ben's old padawan. The two young men were walking through the garden behind the house and talking. 

> Sifo chuckled at Ben's question. "Well, beside the obvious... I passed my trials and became a Knight about a year ago. I've been mostly staying here, but Cattsu put me in charge of the Younglings last week, so I'll be in Vanooria more than anywhere else. I think she wanted to give Master Tano a break from them."
> 
> "Shaak is teaching them? But she's always here..." Ben asked confused. 
> 
> "No... no" Sifo chuckled softly, "That is something new, I guess. We found her grandmother, Ahsoka, a few years back. When the Empire built the second Death Star, Ahsoka went into hiding, but we found her. Maybe when you can leave here again, you can go to Vanooria and talk to her. She has been filling the Archives full of information and stories about the Old Republic and Order and Anakin and Obi-Wan."
> 
> "That's amazing.. maybe I'll get to speak to her..." Ben half-smiled at Sifo. 
> 
> "What else is new... well, I think you knew this: when Connsu and Rey met each other, they immediately began courting. I still think that Luke set that in motion. They're now engaged to be married once the Summer hits. They've been staying up on the fourth floor of the main house."
> 
> Ben interrupted. "Wait... if they are staying on the fourth floor.. where is..."
> 
> "For about a year, Cat was staying in your old bedroom, but then she went on a trip, and when she returned, she moved into the big bedroom on the third floor. Your mother slept up on the fourth floor for a while. But anyway.. what else has changed..." Ben walked a little slower and zoned out of what Sifo was saying. He stared up at the window of the master bedroom on the third floor of the main house and wondered if she was up there now. 
> 
> Ben placed his hand on Sifo's shoulder, stopping the boy in his place and ceasing his talking. "She is so angry with me. I don't think she'll ever forgive me, Sifo. I don't really understand why you and Connsu have. My mother and Luke, they have to forgive me, they're my family, but you all...."
> 
> "We're your family too, Ben. You have always been a big brother to me, and once you and Cat got married, that became official. I think.. I don't know. Connsu and I, I think we knew it was coming.. what happened with you and my Dad. I think that's why he set up that fake Temple, he had to throw off the scent of the First Order from Vanooria for you. I think he knew he wasn't going to make it back.."

Sifo moved the dirt under his feet with his toe. Ben could tell that this topic pained him to talk about. 

> "I think it hurt most for Cat because she had bonded with Han too and then you took them both away and I don't know. She loved you the most, Ben, and it must have been hard to see you doing those things when she pushed you to take the mission. I think she feels responsible."
> 
> "I know I haven't said it yet, but I'm sorry, Sifo... for everything that happened." Ben said sullenly. 
> 
> "I know. You should say that to her too." Sifo pointed at his older sister who was walking quickly through the garden from the main house. She looked up to see her younger brother and her estranged husband standing together in front of the cottage, and picked up her pace to get inside quicker. 
> 
> "I've tried so many times, Sifo. She won't talk to me. It's been a month and she's spoken to me twice. She's avoiding me."
> 
> "So?" Sifo asked, chuckling. "Force her to talk to you. It's not like you're going anywhere any time soon."

That was exactly what Ben did. He began watching her, trying to ascertain what her schedule was so that he could "accidentally" force interactions. He decided that he would no longer be eating his meals in his cottage alone. He had been offered a seat at the table in the main house with everyone else, the first day that he arrived, and he was going to accept that offer now. 

The first encounter happened in the garden on the way to her lessons with the padawans at the Temple. He took a walk through the garden that intersected with her path to the Temple. When she saw him, she began to quicken her pace, but his long legs caught up to her with ease and he began walking next to her. 

> "In a rush today, are we?" Ben asked impishly as he walked next to her. 
> 
> "Yes, so if you'll excuse me, I don't have time to stop and chat."
> 
> "That's fine, I can walk with you and chat." Ben was fighting a smug grin from spreading across his face. He had forgotten how easily he could fluster her. "So how are you today?"
> 
> "I'm fine." She replied in an exasperated tone. 
> 
> "Good, good. I'm fine too. I took a walk with Sifo a few days ago. That was good. Then I invited Connsu and Rey over for dinner the next day. It's nice that they found each other. Although, it's funny to me since she is much closer to Sifo's age than Connsu's."
> 
> "Hmm." Cattsu muttered in agreement. 
> 
> "I was thinking that I would begin joining you and everyone else at meals, in the main house tonight." 
> 
> Cattsu stopped, and turned to face Ben. "That... That's good. Really... just great." She began walking again, all but running now since the Temple was in sight. 

When they got up to the main doors of the Jedi Temple and Academic Buildings, Ben stepped between Cattsu and the door. He kept his hands folded behind his back and he leaned over so that he was closer to her ear. 

> "Thank you for letting me escort you to your lessons." Cattsu nodded and tried to get around him to the door. He leaned in even further, his lips inches away from her ear and his arm grazing her shoulder ever so lightly. "By the way, you look beautiful today." He whispered. 

With that he walked away, leaving her at the Temple doors looking stunned and overwhelmed. He grinned as he headed back to the grounds of the main house. 


	5. The Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has been forcing Cattsu into interactions with him, in order to get the ice to thaw between the two of them. He begins running into her on a daily basis just so he can see her and talk to her and he is beginning to feel a sense of joy from just being in her presence. However, just as he feels that he is making up some ground with her, an unexpected guest comes to Portum and throws a wrench in his plans.

The "accidental" encounters began to happen daily. Ben would change up when or where he would run into her, but he made sure that he spoke to her every day, without fail. He began getting more creative with them too. It became a bit of a game to him. 

The encounter yesterday was one that he really enjoyed. He found out that Cattsu was taking a boat over to Varykino to see Leia and as she was untying the small, wooden rowboat from the dock at Portum, Ben ran from the house and jumped into the boat. He rowed her over to Varykino slowly and waited there all day just so he could bring her back to the main estate. He didn't necessarily like that he had to highjack a boat in order to get her to speak to him, but for now, these forced encounters were the only way. 

He was walking around the side of the mansion, on his way back to the cottage, when he caught her staring through the window. He turned around and walked through the front doors to talk to her. 

> "It's a beautiful day, you should read outside." Ben said to Cattsu, who was lounging in a massive chair that he recognized as one of the first pieces of furniture that they had bought for their house, before he left on his mission. 

He reached his tunic up to his head and began to run it through his wet hair. She watched him, dripping wet and shirtless. He had just been outside swimming in the lake. She examined his chiseled chest and abdomen and felt warm. She watched the muscles in his arm, lightly tense up as he ran the tunic through his hair, drying it. The water glistened off of his skin in a way that was enticing. 

> "Cattsu.... are you okay?" Ben asked with a smile. He knew that he couldn't have planned this better even if he had wanted to. 
> 
> Cattsu snapped to from her entrancement with his naked upper body, and rose to her feet. "You're dripping all over the floor." She said, as she began walking towards the main staircase to go to her room. 
> 
> "I'm so sorry, m'lady." Ben said teasingly. He followed her towards the stairs. "That purple dress is stunning on you, Cattsu..." She kept walking up the stairs, leaving him at the bottom of the staircase. "I'll see you at dinner." He yelled after her. 
> 
> She stopped in place and turned. "I forgot to tell you. We are having a guest at the estate for the next few days. Senator Rill Bonteri, he's a good friend of mine, and he is coming to check on your early progress here. He'll be arriving for dinner. So, yes, I'll see you at dinner." She smiled, turned, and continued up the stairs and out of sight.

Senator Rill Bonteri was a handsome Junior Senator who had escaped the attack on Hosnian Prime by the Starkiller Base, which wiped out most of the other senators of the New Republic. He was automatically promoted to Senior Senator when Hosnian Prime was destroyed and he had been working closely with the New Jedi Order ever since. Ben hated the idea of the Senator visiting the estate. 

At dinner, Ben watched as Cattsu sat at the opposite end of the extra long table with Luke on one side of her, and Senator Rill Bonteri on the other. He pushed the the food around on his plate as he watched her laugh at the Senator's jokes, and lean in to touch his arm while listening intently to his stories. He could feel himself becoming enraged with jealousy and hatred. 

When dessert came, the table had cleared out a bit, but Ben remained behind, piercing the fruit on his plate with his knife and intensely staring at Cattsu, as she flirted with Rill. She finally, for the first time the entire evening, looked at Ben, straight in the eyes. He could tell that she was doing this on purpose. She broke his gaze, whispered something to the Senator, and then got up. Ben stood when she, the Senator and Shaak did. Sifo, who had stayed behind with Ben, looked up at him as he seemingly stood for no reason. Ben watched as Cattsu walked out of the dining hall on the arm of Senator Bonteri. 

> "Damnit!" Ben yelled. 
> 
> "Ben, calm down, she's just messing with you." Sifo assured Ben. 
> 
> "Does she see him often?!" Ben demanded to know of his former padawan. 
> 
> "No... I mean, he's not here that often..." 
> 
> "Damnit..." Ben stormed off after them.

He paused in the kitchen window and watched them strolling through the garden. He stormed out of the main house, through the garden and into the cottage, slamming the door behind him and startling the Senator and two Jedi. He watched her movements throughout the palatial estate for the rest of the night until she turned off the lights in her bedroom. He remained staring at her dark window. 


	6. The Intrusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The handsome and young Senator Rill Bonteri has arrived at the lake country estate of Portum and it has thrown Ben into a tailspin since Cattsu spent all of dinner flirting with him in front of Ben. Ben storms into Cattsu's room expecting to find her in bed with the handsome Senator, and instead finds a whole other scenario.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some smut at last.

Ben stared at her window for hours, just watching the darkness in her room continue. He used the Force to meditate and listen for any abnormal sounds coming from her bedroom. He was sure that the visiting Senator, Rill Bonteri, who Cattsu flirted with all evening, was in her bedroom with her. His jealousy was not allowing him to think clearly. 

Finally, he heard a sound. He ran to the window of the cottage and spotted the padawans assigned to guard him at night. He used the Force to pick up a rock in the garden and tossed it on the far side, causing a loud thumping noise. The padawans ran over to the site of the sound and Ben quickly slipped out of the door. He ran to the main house and popped open a window at the side. He slipped through and ran up the main staircase. 

He made it to the third floor and peeked around the corner. There were supposed to be padawans guarding the bedrooms on this floor but there were none in sight. Ben quickly made his way to Cattsu's door and pressed his ear against it. He heard moaning and deep breathing and he was filled with rage. 

Ben burst through the door to Cattsu's bedroom and Cattsu yelled. When he moved to the side and the light came through the doorway from the hallway, he saw her in bed, naked and alone, trying to cover herself up with her sheets. 

> "Where is he!" Ben demanded to know. 
> 
> "Who the fuck are you talking about? What are you doing?!" She yelled at him as she used the Force to close the door and then reached for the light. Ben walked around the room, opening the limited amount of doors and checking inside of them for the Senator. "Ben.. BEN!" Cattsu barked at him, finally causing him to look at her. She was sitting up in her bed, with a sheet wrapped around her for modesty. "Ben, what are you doing here?"

At that moment, there was a frantic knocking on the door. 

> "Don't answer it." Ben said quickly. 
> 
> "I have to." Cattsu said as she reached for her nightrobe, and got up to answer the door, scowling at Ben. 
> 
> "Cattsu, are you alright?" 
> 
> "Yes, Senator Bonteri, it was nothing, please, go back and tell Shaak I'm fine.." With that, she closed the door and turned back to Ben. "You need to go."
> 
> "Is Bonteri with Shaak?" Ben asked, confused. 
> 
> "Yes! Did you really think that I was with him?" She yelled in frustration. 
> 
> "Yes! Of course I did. That's what you wanted me to think." Ben yelled back, as he walked over to her and grabbed her wrist, pulling her closer to him. "You know exactly what you're doing to me, Cat." His breathing suddenly became a bit labored. "You know how much I miss you and how badly I want you... how hard I'm trying to just get you to speak to me."
> 
> Cattsu pushed her hand up against his chest, trying to shove him away from her. "You should go, Ben." She looked pained. 
> 
> He grabbed one arm with one hand and placed his other hand on her hip. He felt her sharp little hipbone sticking through the silky fabric of her nightrobe. "What were you doing in here before I came in?"
> 
> "Ben.."
> 
> "What were you doing in here before I came in?" He said in a more commanding tone. 

She escaped from his grip and walked towards the bed. She pulled her robe closed as she sat down on the side of her bed. Ben stood in the middle of the room, a length away from her. Ben began to put all the pieces together. 

> "Were you in here touching yourself when I came in?" 
> 
> She paused, then laid back on the bed. "I am struggling. Scar and all, you have only gotten more handsome in five years, and you haven't left me alone. At all. You've basically been stalking me. All I see is your face nowadays."
> 
> "Do you want me to stop?" 
> 
> "No." She said as she began running the silky sash holding her robe closed through her fingers. "Maybe.. I don't know. This is all very confusing, Ben. I don't know if I can trust you."
> 
> "But at the very least, you still want me?"
> 
> "I think about you."
> 
> "And you touch yourself?"
> 
> "Yes."
> 
> "Show me." Ben said calmly, as he leaned back into a chair, in a dark corner of the room. Cattsu hesitated, but Ben just sat there, calmly waiting. "Show me."

She pulled at the ribbon holding her robe together and pulled it off of her. He immediately felt himself harden. He had dreamt about seeing her tits and legs and stomach and pussy again, but none of his dreams were as good as the real thing. 

He watched as she placed two fingers over the lips of her pussy, pressing them together. She spread her legs over the bed and began to rub. She started rubbing slowly with one finger in a circular motion over her clit. Small moans slipped out as she pleasured herself. 

> "Are you wet?" He asked quietly. She nodded. "Stick your fingers in your pussy." She did as he said and she fucked herself with her fingers for a few moments. Then she took them out and wet her clit. "Suck on your fingers."

She brought them up to her mouth and began sucking on them. She pushed them deep into her throat and licked all of the juices off of them. She placed them back on her clit and began to rub a little harder. She kept eye contact with him as she used one hand to play with her tits and used the other hand to vigorously rub her clit. 

She knew she was about to cum. It didn't take her long to get to that place with him. She bit her lip to keep from moaning loudly, and picked up the pace even more with her fingers. Her breathing staggered and she began to spasm. Her toes curled and her fingers slowed and she let out a loud moan. Ben grinned. 

> "Do you feel better?" Ben asked quietly. She nodded. "Do you mind if I stay here tonight? I don't think you want me to explain to my guards where I've been when they thought I was asleep inside the cottage the whole time."
> 
> "I suppose so. This is a one time thing only though, Ben." She got up and walked to the bathing room to clean herself off. 

When she stepped back into the room, he had stripped down to just his pants and was laying under the covers waiting for her. She got under the covers with him and he pulled her close to him. She laid her head against his chest and whispered, "This is only for tonight." Then fell asleep. 


	7. The Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut.

Cattsu woke Ben up early and shooed him out of her bedroom before anyone else on the compound had woken up. He slept most of the morning away alone in his cottage, and woke in the afternoon, with a desire to see her. He searched around the compound looking for her, to no avail. He was about to give up when he decided to check the docks in the front of the mansion. 

Ben stood at the end of the wooden dock, all of the rowboats still tied up or laying on the grass, and cupped his hands over his eyes, shielding his face from the hot sun. Finally he saw her, laying out in the sand on a small island in the middle of the lake. He pulled his shoes off of his feet, and lowered himself, quietly, into the water from the edge of the dock. He got half way to the island when he realized that she was sitting up and watching him swim towards her. The water became more shallow and he walked the rest of the way in. She watched as the sun glistened off of the water on his arms, and as he slicked his hair back, revealing his chiseled features and piercing eyes. He peeled his wet shirt off and rung it out at the edge of the water, and placed it on the hot sand to dry. 

> "Can I join you?" Ben asked her, tousling his wet hair again. 
> 
> "Sure.." She said, shielding her eyes from the sun in order to get a better look at him standing in front of her. 
> 
> "How are you?" He asked, awkwardly. 
> 
> "Ben.." She narrowed her eyes to glare at him, and couldn't help but crack a smile.
> 
> Ben smiled back, his deep dimples indenting his cheeks. "I wanted to make sure you were alright after last night." 
> 
> "Well I am fine, thank you." She replied quickly. 
> 
> "Is that why you came out here...?"
> 
> "Ugh.. Ben.." She cut him off, but he continued.
> 
> "..to the place where we said I love you to each other for the first time...?"
> 
> "Ben, don't." She argued, as she laid back into the hot sand, covering her face with her hands. 
> 
> "Will you go somewhere with me tonight?" Ben asked, as he laid down on his side next to her, staring at her covered face, waiting for an answer. 
> 
> "Where?" She asked, turning to look at him. 
> 
> "To that eatery on the other end of the lake, by the Encento Waterfalls... just for dinner?" 
> 
> "You're not really allowed to leave this part of the lakecountry" She said, relieved that that would be enough to discourage him.
> 
> "What if we asked Senator Bonteri for an... extension.. for the night?" 
> 
> "I guess I could ask him..."
> 
> Ben sprang up from the sand, grabbed his already dry shirt off the ground and pulled it back over his head. He began walking backwards into the water, with her watching him as he left. "Don't say no. Just ask the Senator and meet me at the dock two hours before dinner." With that, Ben turned around and began swimming back towards the estate.

The sun was lower in the sky, but it was still bright and the air was still hot. Ben was pacing back and forth on the dock, wearing the brown leather pants, white shirt, and tan linen cloak that she had given to him to wear on their first trip together to Naboo. 

> "She's not coming, you're so fucking dumb. Why would she come?" He kept muttering to himself. 
> 
> "Did you say something?" 
> 
> He turned on his heels and saw her waiting in front of him, at the end of the dock. "You came!" He exclaimed. 
> 
> She cleared her throat. He looked good. She loved that outfit and the happy memories it evoked. "We have to be back before it's too late." 
> 
> "Great, fine, okay..." Ben lowered the boat into the water and stretched out his hand towards her. "You look beautiful." He said to her, as he helped her into the rowboat. She was wearing a deep violet, low-cut, long sleeve jersey dress with a dandelion yellow bodice and buttons that stopped at her waist. She was wrapped in a dandelion, hooded cloak that went down to the ground. 

They rowed in silence to the other side of the lake and sat through most of the dinner making simple small talk. As she was finishing her food, Ben felt her kick him under the table. 

> "Ow..?" 
> 
> "I'm sorry.. my knee has been bothering me today." 
> 
> "It still hurts you?" He asked, as he began lifting the table cloth to see her leg. 
> 
> "From time to time.." 
> 
> "Here... come here." Ben slid closer to Cattsu in the booth and pulled her leg up on to his. Her violet dress had a high slit down the middle that exposed a great amount of her leg. 
> 
> "You really don't have to do that..." She muttered, as he began pressing his thumbs into her flesh, kneading at the under side of her knee. She relaxed a bit and turned her body more towards his. 
> 
> "Does that feel okay?" He asked, as she closed her eyes and began breathing slowly. 
> 
> "Mhmmm.." She replied quietly. 
> 
> "Are you two all done?" The waiter interrupted them, reminding them that they were not alone, even if the eatery was sparsely populated. 
> 
> "Yes, thank you." Cattsu replied. 
> 
> "Would you like anything else?" The waiter asked. 
> 
> "No.. no, I think we are just going to sit here for a while, if that's alright?" Ben stated. 

The waiter nodded, and cleared their food from the table. Ben turned back to Cattsu who had placed her leg off of Ben's lap and back onto the bench when the waiter startled her. He reached back under the table cloth and wrapped his hands around her knee and thigh again. He pulled her leg back up onto his lap and began rubbing her knee again. She sighed softly and leaned her head against the back of the rounded booth. The eatery had dimmed lighting and soft music playing in the background and as far as they knew, no one had recognized them yet. 

> "I forgot how good it felt when you did this.." She said in a relaxed tone, as she placed her hand on this thigh. 
> 
> "It feels good?" He said, as he began to very slowly move his hand from her knee to her thigh. 
> 
> "Yes." She said breathlessly, as she closed her eyes. 

Ben moved his right hand under her left thigh, holding her leg, and leaned forward. He searched under the table for her other leg, and when he found it, he worked his left hand up the slit of her dress to grip the top of her other thigh. He leaned in and kissed her on the lips. Her mind was not racing, she let go and gave in to the familiarity of his touch. She grabbed at his leg and kissed him back. She opened up her mouth and let out a barely audible moan, as he moved his hand from her thigh, to her wet pussy. 

He slid his thumb against her opening and felt the heat radiating off of her. She gripped his thigh even harder as he moved his now slick thumb up to her clit and began rubbing circles. He watched as she bit her lower lip. The tops of her breasts looked like they were about to break free of the lowcut-bodice as she breathed heavily. She moved her hand from his leg to his bicep, gripping his hard muscle. 

> "Does that feel good?" He asked, quietly, inches away from her face?
> 
> "So good." She replied through heavy breaths. She pulled his hand away from her pussy and licked her lips, wetting her dry mouth again. "We should go home." Ben nodded. 

The breeze was still hot and the air was sticky, as Ben rowed back towards Portum, across the lake. Cattsu was sitting directly in front of him, holding his cloak in her lap, and watching the sweat from his body cling to his shirt. She could have easily talked herself out of continuing this night with him during the trip home, but him being back reminded her of how lonely and deprived of human touch she was. She had been indulging in his presence the past few nights anyway; letting him sleep in her bed and occasionally allowing him to kiss or touch her. She hadn't let it get this far yet though, and she wasn't about to stop it. 

Ben loosely tied the boat up to the cleat on the dock and hoisted himself out. He reached down and pulled her out of the boat too. She could have helped him with the Force to pull the boat out of the water and onto the lawn but she enjoyed watching his muscles work. He pulled the boat onto the grass on the lawn and looked towards the front door for Cattsu. She wasn't there. He felt frantic for a quick moment until he saw her standing at the side of the mansion, on the path to the garden and his cottage.

He walked behind her until they got to the door, he entered the passcode and let her walk in first. She hung his cloak up on the hooks next to the door and turned to look at him. He pulled at the golden ribbon tied in a perfect bow around her throat, releasing the cloak from her shoulders. He then wrapped his arms around her body, and unhooked her utility belt from around her waist. He hung both on a hook and watched as she sauntered into the living room, and sat on the couch. 

> "I picked some plasma berries off the bushes outside the cottage this morning, do you want some?" He asked, heading into the kitchen. 
> 
> "Sure." 

He came out with a bowl full of ripe, purple plasma berries, and placed them next to her on the couch. He sat down next to her, having to reach over her to pick up the fruit. She placed a few berries in her mouth and popped them in between her teeth. She squished a berry between her fingers and wiped the residue on her lips, staining them a purplish color. He watched her intently and finally leaned over to kiss her on her berry-stained lips. She tasted tart, and then sweet as he licked his own lips after kissing her. 

He began kissing her harder, his hand hooked around the small of her back and the crook in her neck. She remained sunken into the couch, completely relaxed, and enjoying the connection. He began kissing down her neck and onto her chest, when she stopped him. 

> "Can I not kiss you there?" He asked, frustrated. 
> 
> "No." She replied, enjoying the power. 
> 
> "Then where can I kiss you?"

Cattsu looked around, and then a smile broke out across her face. She picked up a berry from the bowl and squished it between her fingers again. She then dragged her finger across down her neck, leaving a trail of berry juice for him to clean up. 

He leaned forward and kissed her neck, sucking and licking at the juice she left on her throat. She tasted a little salty from the sweat and mostly sweet from the berry. He kissed, and sucked, and licked until she pushed him off of her. She picked up another and squished it between her fingers, and then smeared it in between her breasts. 

Ben knelt down in front of her and began to slowly unbutton the bodice of her dress. She breathed heavily as his hands began to explore her body. He licked the bit of plasma berry juice off of her chest and began sucking on her nipples. He held her arms down at her sides as he kissed from her neck to her tits. She squirmed under his hold. 

Finally, she managed to get her arm free and pushed Ben off of her. She took a few berries and mushed them in her fingers. She wiped one finger on one thigh, another finger on her other, and her thumb on her clit. Ben grinned. He wanted her so badly and she was torturing him. He pulled her forward, towards him, on the couch and wrapped her legs over his shoulders. 

He licked the juice off of her left thigh, and then went back to leave her teasing kisses. He moved on to her right thigh and pulled at the slit of her dress, ensuring it was out of the way. She moaned as he began to suck on her clit. He licked back and forth and she tugged at his hair. He began licking with the motion of her hips and she began breathing heavily. 

> "Quicker.... just like that. Don't stop." 

Ben licked as fast as his tongue would let him when he felt the heels of her feet begin to dig in to his back. He held her waist and kept licking, until she suddenly began spasming. 

> "Stop.. stop.. enough..." She gasped, as she pushed his head away from between her legs. 

He sat up and grabbed a cloth from the kitchen to wipe his face with. He sat back down next to her and popped a few plasma berries in his mouth. He rubbed his face a bit and leaned in towards Cattsu. He watched as she buttoned her dress back up and stood up. 

> "So, goodnight then?" Ben asked, disappointedly. 
> 
> "I can't be seen coming out of here in the clothes I was wearing last night, in the morning."
> 
> "You mean, out of the bedroom of your husband?" Ben said, agitated. 
> 
> "I'm not going to have this argument with you again, Ben." Cattsu sniped back at him. 
> 
> "You just had to ruin this night, didn't you?"
> 
> "I guess I did. Goodnight, Ben." Cattsu said as she tied the golden ribbon of her cloak back around her neck and stepped through the door. 

Cattsu walked, as quietly as she could, up the stairs and through the silent house in the dead of night, back to her bedroom. She was washing off her face from the night when she heard a soft rapping at her door. She opened the door and saw Ben standing in front of her. 

> "Can I stay here tonight?" Ben asked, with a remorseful tone. 

Cattsu walked back towards the bathing room, leaving the door open for Ben behind her. Ben stood in the doorway and watched her as she splashed water over her face, washing the soap off. 

> "I'm sorry.... I'm frustrated and I'm tired of all of this." Ben broke the silence. 
> 
> "Well, I'm just tired so.." Cattsu slid under the covers of her bed. "If you're going to sleep here tonight, then come sleep. We can talk about this in the morning."

Ben took his clothes off and slipped under the covers with her. 


	8. The Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben had been gone for a little over five years, but it had only been four since she last saw him. Cattsu and Ben argue over their last encounter, and its scarring effects.

_The sound of their boots clanking against the metal floors was a noise that placed a great sense of uneasiness in her._

> _"Where are you taking me?" She asked in a commanding tone._
> 
> _"Kylo Ren's personal chamber."  The stormtrooper replied._

_They sat her down on a stiff and plainly dressed bed and demanded that she wait quietly. She did. She waited for hours. Every negative thought and worry that she could conjure up ran through her mind. Finally, she heard footsteps, they were loud and purposeful, but they were familiar. The door whirred open and she stood. A tall, dark and masked figure stood in the doorway._

> _"Are you with the Resistance?" The figure inquired in an echoey tone._
> 
> _"Yes." She replied with hesitance._
> 
> _"Good." The figure said._

_Then he stepped into the room, turned to the panel on the wall to close and lock the door, and then moved his gloved hands up to his neck. He pressed a release button and a hissing noise came out of the mask. He removed the mask from his face and placed it on the table below the panel. As he turned around, he saw her lunging for him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and began frantically kissing his lips and cheeks and nose._

> _"Oh I missed you, I missed you, I missed you, I missed you." She repeated over and over._

_He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her back._

> _"What are you doing here? You shouldn't have come. It's too dangerous here for you."_
> 
> _"You stopped responding to our correspondences. We were concerned... I was concerned. I'm so happy you're okay." She replied cheerily._
> 
> _"Communicating with you all was putting me and the mission at risk. I'm finally getting close to Snoke and I could tell that he knew I wasn't fully invested here. You can only stay one night, and then I have to find a way to get you out of here."_
> 
> _"Fine, then just enjoy the night with me. Please.... I didn't mean to put you in danger." She said disappointedly._

_He took off his black, woven wool cloak, unbuckled his utility belt and pulled off his tunic. He began to look more like himself, just darker. His underwrappings, pants and boots were all a rich black tone and his hair had grown in length a bit. It was shaggier than she had ever seen him wear it. She ran her fingers through his hair and stared up at him. He was so stiff and standoffish._

> _"Ben, you can relax, it's just me, it's just us. You don't have to be on right now. Just relax."_
> 
> _"I've missed you.... this has all been.. hard. You don't know how many nights I have laid in here, imagining I was back in bed with you at Portum. I miss it."_

_Ben walked over to the bed and sat down. She followed and sat down next to him. He laid her back onto the hard mattress and pushed the hair away from her neck. He laid next to her, wrapping his arm around her waist and hugging her hip. He began kissing her neck and chest. She grabbed his bicep and leaned her head back as he laid kisses all over her chest. He pulled at her underwrappings, exposing her breasts. He brought his hand up from her hip and cupped her left breast, as he began to lick and nibble at her right. She moaned and relaxed into his movements._

> _"Fuck, it's been so long."_
> 
> _"I know, I want you so badly, Ben." She said as she filled her fingers with the long ringlets of his shiny black hair._

_Ben pushed Cattsu onto her stomach and began pulling at her remaining clothing and wrappings. He pulled his own pants and underwrappings off and began kissing at her back. She moaned loudly as he made his way from the back of her neck, to her shoulder blades, all the way down her spine. She grasped at the scratchy black blanket underneath her as he continued kissing her back. Suddenly, she felt his large hand grip the back of her head and push it into the unforgiving mattress._

> _"Ben..." She muttered uneasily._

_Then she felt him, not gently or in easy strokes like he used to, but all in one pressure-filled push, shove his cock into her tight pussy._

Cattsu sprang up in bed. Her bedroom was filling with morning light and she saw clearly that Ben was sleeping soundly next to her. She scrambled to get from under the sheets with him and out of bed. As she found her nightrobe on the floor next to the bed, she heard him speak and she jumped.

> "What's going on?" Ben asked, as he sat up in bed, responding to the sudden movement from her side. 
> 
> "It's time for you to leave." 
> 
> "You just jumped at the sound of my voice, what is going on, Cattsu?"
> 
> "Just go! Last night was a mistake. A huge mistake."

Ben walked over to Cattsu, who had her back turned to him and put his hand on her shoulder. She shied away from his touch, and stepped away from him. He followed her and placed his hand on her shoulder again, this time turning her to face him. 

> "I don't understand. You fell asleep in my arms last night and you seemed fine." 
> 
> "Well, I wasn't fine... I'm not fine." Ben stared at her for a moment. She realized what he was doing and fought him back. "Get out of my head, Ben!" She shouted. 
> 
> "It was just a dream, it wasn't even real." 
> 
> "It wasn't a dream, Ben. It was a memory!..." She walked back towards the bed. "I relive that night at the First Order base with you constantly. It haunts me. You treated me like meat... like someone you've never met. You couldn't even look me in the eye while you did it. It was disgusting."
> 
> "I..."
> 
> "No, I tried to forget it, and I tried to rationalize it, make excuses for you. But after you killed my father, I was done making excuses for you. I knew that the mission had changed you. You could've spared him, I know you could have."
> 
> "Please, let me explain." Ben pleaded with her. 
> 
> "No." She lightly shoved him with the Force and sat down on the bed, putting her head in her hands. "Just leave." She muttered into her hands. 
> 
> "I'm sorry." He stuttered. 

He grabbed his clothing and ran out of the room. He paused outside of her door to dress and heard her crying. He sunk against her door. 


	9. The Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Council has allowed the restrictions on the compound to lessen. Leia has returned to the Senate, Luke has returned to Vanooria, Connsu and Rey are staying at Varykino and Sifo and all of the padawans, are back on Vanooria. Yet, there has been a leak of information into the galaxy and some bounty hunters have come for Ben. Cattsu must finally place some trust in him or face the love of her life, losing his life.

Three months had passed by since the last time Ben and Cattsu spoke, and while she still did not trust him, his good behavior spoke loudly to the Council. They decided that the extensive security measures that they had been taking since Ben arrived, could be lifted. He was no longer an imminent threat. They also resumed their usual business, meaning Portum was much emptier than it was before.

Shaak had gone with Senator Rill Bonteri as his bodyguard on a peacekeeping mission on Onderon. Luke, Sifo and most of the padawans had returned to Vanooria to work on their training with the Younglings. Leia had returned to the Senate to continue setting up the new government, and Connsu, Rey and their respective padawans took up residence in Varykino, as it was suddenly empty. 

Cattsu was alone in the main house, and she barely left it so as not to run into Ben. She had been eating lunch in the galley when she heard a ship land near the academic building in the forest, behind the main estate. No one was scheduled to land at the compound. Cattsu felt a distress in the Force. She grabbed her lightsaber and her cloak and ran outside towards the landing pad in the forest. 

She hid behind a large boulder and saw four bounty hunters unloading weapons off of their ship. She hid behind thick brush to get closer and eavesdrop on their conversation. 

> "Here's the plan, ya bums. I heard he's staying in the small house in the back. You two cover the windows and we'll enter the house. If we have any trouble, get him as he tries to escape."
> 
> "What about his Jedi sword?" Asked the short Togruta man. 
> 
> "He's not armed, I'm sure of it. They're all scared of Ren. They didn't give him his saber back... Now ready your weapons and let's go, eh?" Yelled the Weequay, who was clearly the leader of the group. 

Suddenly, Cattsu took off towards the cottage. Her legs carried her farther and faster than they ever had before. All she could think of was that he was completely unarmed and that they would hurt him. She tripped over a plasma berry bush, popped back up and kept running. She ran to the door of the cottage and began slamming her her open palms against the front door frantically. He opened the door, looking very concerned, and she simply grabbed his wrist and ran towards the main house. 

> "Cattsu!"
> 
> "Lock and bar the doors!" She yelled as she ran to the back windows and drew the curtains. 
> 
> "CATTSU!" Ben shouted after her, causing her to stop in her tracks, and turn to look at him. "What is going on?" 
> 
> "Someone found out where you are. They sent bounty hunters. There are four of them and they are here!" She yelled. 

They began fortifying the first floor and waiting. Ben moved the curtain in the dining hall and saw the Weequay man approaching the front of the cottage. 

> "They're about to find out that I'm not in there."
> 
> "There... there is an extra lightsaber upstairs in our old bedroom." Cattsu took his hand and ran upstairs. 

They ran to the fourth floor and Cattsu popped open a false wall, that was hiding an arsenal of blasters and lightsabers. She grabbed his old weapon off of the wall and hesitated to hand it to him. He reached his hand out and nodded his head, trying to reassure her that it would be fine. 

> "What's the plan?" Ben asked, while the sound of thudding came from the first floor. 
> 
> "Besides the windows which are locked and reinforced against blaster fire, the only way to get up here is by the staircases. You take the one on the left and I'll take the right. First, I'm going to try to contact the Naboo military, maybe they can send some back up..."
> 
> "Any luck?" Ben asked as he watched Cattsu using the communication panel in the middle of the hall, outside of their old bedroom door. 
> 
> Cattsu shook her head. "They cut off our comm link." 

She walked towards the staircase at the far end of the hall and waited, hiding just out of sight so that when they turned the corner, she could subdue them. Ben followed her lead but was nervous as to what going into battle in front of her would mean for their relationship. 

> "Did you hear that? They just got through downstairs." Cattsu whispered. 

Cattsu watched as Ben leaned his back against the wall, held his old lightsaber in both of his hands, and tried to steady his breathing. She could feel his tension - it was practically radiating off of him. 

The first bounty hunter came up from her staircase first. Ben watched her dark maroon organza dress, which showed off her lean but strong arms and shoulders twirl with her movements in blocking blaster fire, as she wielded her rare yellow lightsaber and deflected a round from the bounty hunter's blaster back into his arm. Ben waited for his opponents to step forward, still paying close attention to what Cattsu was doing. He watched as she dipped her blade into the flesh of the Weequay man, the head bounty hunter, and knew that if she killed, she felt that she had no other choice. 

She waited, her yellow saber still lit, ready for more to approach, but instead she got distracted and watched as Ben blocked incoming blaster fire from his staircase. He backed up, unconfident in his abilities, and simply continued deflecting fire. She ran over to assist him, leaving her flank vulnerable, and not noticing that Ben was only taking fire from one blaster. The small Togruta man snuck up the stairs behind Cattsu. Ben noticed the movement from the corner of his eye and charged the bounty hunter. 

> "Watch out!" He screamed, as he leapt in between Cattsu and the blaster.

All she heard, as she moved on to take out the slender, green Arcona bounty hunter that Ben was struggling with, was Ben grunt, the blaster fire again, the deflection of his lightsaber and the sound of saber and flesh meeting. Then she heard the body hit the floor. She used the Force and flung the man from Arcona across the room, rendering him unconscious. She rushed over to Ben, who was holding his arm tightly. The dead Togruta bounty hunter laying on the floor next to him. 

She leaned over and placed her hand on Ben's, lifting it to see what damage had been done. 

> "Why did you do that? I would've sensed it and I would've blocked him. Did you want to get hit?... Oh, Ben.. it's bad." She said as she lifted her hand, drenched in his blood, from the wound.
> 
> "I would've rathered it hit me than you. They were here for me anyway."
> 
> "Damnit Ben, you could've really been hurt. We need to get you help."

Cattsu dragged the bodies of the two living bounty hunters into the main bedroom on the fourth floor, then barricaded the door shut, locking them in. 

> "Can you walk?" She asked Ben, as she tried to help him up. 

She watched as he walked a few steps, faltered and fell into the wall, leaving a trail of blood behind him. She tore at the bottom half of her dress and tied it around his wound, as a makeshift gauze. She then helped him down the stairs to the dock in front of the house. 

> "Wait here... they got rid of the boat, I have to swim over but I will be right to Varykino and back. I am going to get us help."

When she returned from across the lake with Connsu, Rey, doctors and Naboo soldiers, Ben was passed out. 


	10. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben returns to the old, familiar medical bay of the Vanooria Jedi Temple. He can feel the walls crumbling down between him and his former love, Cattsu, but he finds that he still has some ways to go before he is fully healed from the attack on Naboo and before his relationship can be fully mended from years of neglect.

 

>  "Ben... Ben, please wake up." Cattsu said as she gently ran her fingers through his shaggy black hair. 
> 
> "Cat?" He said shakily, trying to lift his injured arm. "Ugh... What happened?" 
> 
> "Oh..." Cattsu's voice broke, and he watched her bring her hands up to hide her face. "Oh, Ben.. You lost so much blood... you've been unconscious for days, I was beginning to think that you weren't coming back." 

She lowered her head to his arm and he felt her tears begin to soak through his white medical robe. He was overwhelmed by her concern, and happy that she was waiting at his bedside while he recovered. 

> "I'm okay.. I'll be okay. I promise you.... What happened?"
> 
> Cattsu raised her head, wiping away tears from her cheeks and mouth. She handed him a cup of water and waited for him to sip. He handed her back the cup, and stared at her. Her breath was shaky, and she went back to stroking his hair, which seemed to calm her. "The Arcona... the bounty hunter that I subdued after you were hurt, he finally told us that he was hired by a Knight of Ren, named Huserab and a man named Marcier, to kill you. It was payback. The Council suspects that more will be coming. They think that it would be best if you returned to Vanooria. It's more of a fortress, and less well known. You'll be safer there..."
> 
> Ben sat up the best he could when he heard the names of the two men who hired his attempted killers. "Huserab and Marcier... Huserab was my friend in the Knights of Ren, he was my right hand."
> 
> "What about Marcier? Who was he?" Cattsu asked.
> 
> "Marcier was one of the only Admirals of the First Order that I could not find when we eliminated them... Um, he was closest to General Armitage Hux. I always knew that he would try to avenge the Order, he was a bit of a fanatic... I'm sorry that you were there for their first attempt, but the Council is right. They won't stop. Huserab will probably just come himself, next time."
> 
> "Then we have to leave here... we have to return to Vanooria. I'll speak with the court and have your sentence changed to the Temple." 

Cattsu got Ben onto the starcruiser, still strapped to the medical bed, with Luke and Connsu at the controls, and Rey sitting in the back trying not to watch Cattsu holding Ben's hand under the blanket. Cattsu stared into Ben's eyes as she heard the familiar sound of snow hitting the glass in the front of the ship, indicating that they had entered the atmosphere of Vanooria. They were back. A certain sense of dread and comfort washed over his face. 

When he woke up the next morning his arm was sore, and he saw her sleeping in the chair in the corner of the room, her head propped up by her balled-up fist, covered in black, fingerless gloves. He examined the rest of her, she was wearing a royal blue, wool cloak with black ribbon running down every edge - a bit of her long black dress peeked out from underneath. He was overcome by happy memories of the two of them, running around the compound, sneaking in kisses and secret rendezvous. Vanooria was a relatively safe and happy place in their love story. 

When he shifted in the medical bed, only making the faintest noise, she opened her eyes. She waited a few moments and got up to see if he was awake. 

> "How are you feeling?" She asked as she placed the back of her hand on his forehead to check his temperature. 
> 
> "Sore, but better." He reached his good arm around his body to try to touch her but she slipped away, avoiding his advances. 
> 
> "Do you think you can walk to your old room?" She asked, changing the subject from the attempt to hold her hand. 
> 
> "Uh, yea, I think." She helped him sit up, and he swung his legs around. She draped a fluffy white robe around his shoulders and tied it at the waist. He put on medical bay slippers, and began walking with her to his old room. "This place hasn't changed... at all." 
> 
> "It never does... Umm, everything should be exactly the same as you remember it... uh, I got Filonia to get the fireplace and pilotfires going for you before he went to bed last night so it should be nice and warm in there. The medical droid said to try to keep the arm in the sling for about a week more and to rest as much as possible." 

They stopped outside of his old bedchamber. Cattsu pressed a few buttons on the panel and the door opened.  

> "I have a panel now?" He asked. 
> 
> "I requested it. I didn't want you straining your arm trying to open it with the Force. That way still works, of course, but I figured you could use the panel, for now..."
> 
> "Oh.. well, okay." He stepped into the room, and looked around to see what had changed. 
> 
> "I will leave you to rest.." 
> 
> "No, stay." Ben asked, in a low and gruff tone. 
> 
> "Uh, I can't.. I have a lesson with Filonia and some Younglings. I'll try to come by later to check on you." She half smiled and walked out the door, the panel beeping and door shutting behind her. 

Ben woke up, several hours later, and went to check the door panel. No one had been in or out of his room since that morning when Cattsu left him. It was late and he realized that she wasn't coming. 

He strained to put on his underwrappings, one side being more efficiently done than the other. He managed to wriggle his outer tunic and cloak on, and used his good hand to slip on his boots, but not tie them. He messed with the panel until the door opened and walked towards Cattsu's old bedchamber. He wasn't even entirely sure that that was still where she stayed but it was the first obvious place to look. When he got to her room, he peeked through the fogged up, blurry window glass to see if she was inside. All that he could make out was a giant royal blue and black blob laying on the place where her chair should have been. He knew that she was there. 

He strained to open the door with the Force, with his good arm, catching Cattsu's attention as soon as the door flung open. 

> "You never came to see me."


	11. The Truth

 

> "You never came to see me." Ben said, as he watched Cattsu staring at him from next to the fireplace. She was dressed in a black satin robe that he did not recognize. 
> 
> "Ben, what are you doing here? You could have slipped and hurt yourself more... and, and you got dressed?!.. ugh, sit, sit!" She coaxed him on to the foot of her bed. "I'm going to call on the medical droid, have him bring you back to your quarters and give you a sedative so you'll rest."
> 
> "No... please, I didn't come all the way over here just to go back. I wanted to see you. I wanted to know why you never came to check on me."
> 
> "Ugh.. Ben." She walked over to sit down next to him on the bed. "I love you enough to not want you to be hurt or to die, but I am not.. I don't love..." She sighed, while rubbing her forehead. "..too much has happened."
> 
> "What can I do? I'll do anything." Ben pleaded. Cattsu got back up and went for her drink, which she had left on the fireplace mantle. "Do you want to know the truth? The whole story, everything that happened when I was gone?"
> 
> "That could be a start." She said tersely as she sat back down on the bed, placing a pillow on her lap and her hands folded neatly on top of the pillow. 

Ben straightened up, and winced when he moved his arm a bit too much. He moved so that he was sitting cross-legged on the foot of the bed, facing Cattsu. He took a deep breath and began his story. 

> "Okay, the Knights of Ren found me almost immediately after Luke escaped on the cruiser. I was standing over the desecrated bodies of the Younglings when they found me. Their leader, Caiher Ren... he knew who I was, or I guess who my family was. They took me back to their base on Devaron, and tortured me and interrogated me for weeks. When I wouldn't break, they felt I was strong, which either made me a good ally or an enemy. So, I joined them, like I was supposed to. By three months in, I had killed or been a participant in the death of nine separate beings. My tenth kill was Caiher himself, and then I became the master of the Knights of Ren."
> 
> "When did Snoke become interested in Kylo Ren?" She asked, wanting to hear a part of the story that she didn't already know.
> 
> "As soon as he found out about Caiher. The Knights of Ren were summoned to Myaholath, where the First Order and Snoke were finalizing their plans for Starkiller Base - where you found me. Snoke took me under his wing because of the fact that I was Ben Solo. He began training me and... I was beginning to lose my connection to reality. The Dark Side is enticing and easy and I felt its pull. The only thing that was keeping me tethered to who I really was and what my mission was, well, was you."
> 
> "So then explain what happened when I came to see you." She said with a bit more than just a tinge of anger in her voice. 
> 
> "When you showed up... if I had really made love to you, like I wanted to, I would have left, or become so weak that Snoke would've figured out the truth, or... I don't know, I was ashamed."

Ben looked down at his hands, shimmied off of the bed and sat in the chair in the corner of the room. He was warm next to the massive fireplace. 

> "I realize that I could've told you that in the moment, but even doing that would've made it all that much harder. I'm sorry for that night. I just needed... I wanted to bury myself in you, I wanted to remember what it felt like to be whole, but it wasn't right."
> 
> "What happened next?" She asked, moving to the foot of the bed to hear him better over the crackling of the fire. 
> 
> "Well, Snoke knew something was wrong.. that something was making me weak. He made me talk about you. I couldn't hide you from him once I had seen you. I told him that the Jedi Masters had kept me from you and that they sent you on a mission to separate us, and that my parents were in on the whole plan, and that you died on that mission. I gave him a big lie with a lot of little truths planted throughout.... I gave him a motive for my actions, which lent me credibility."

Cattsu got up and poured herself and Ben some mulled wine, then returned to the foot of her bed but this time sat on the floor, pulling a pilotfire close to her feet. Ben continued. 

> "I think Byro sensed I was in trouble, I think that's why he came. He really.. he knew I was struggling to keep Vanooria and Portum a secret. He lured us to Dantooine, which I have to say was brilliant on his part. It was an old Rebel base and there was Jedi paraphernalia everywhere, it was easy for him to make it seem like this was where we had lived before I killed all of the Younglings on Devaron.... Snoke sent me, Huserab, and a battalion of First Order troopers after your father..."

Ben watched how this story pained her. Her knees were bent to her chest, and her forehead was resting against the brim of her wine cup. He sighed. 

> "Do you want me to stop?"
> 
> "Keep going." She insisted. 
> 
> "I only had a few moments with him alone. He told me that I was doing well and that I had to be strong and that you missed me. He called me 'son'.... and, and then, as soon as Huserab and the troopers stormed into the room, he lowered his saber and... he sacrificed himself for the cause.... for me."

She wiped tears off of her cheek, downed the rest of her drink and got up for a refill. She pulled the other chair next to Ben's and sat down in it. She wanted to hear the rest. 

> "He spoke to Connsu and Sifo before he left. I was on a mission looking for Force-sensitives. They have always thought that he sacrificed himself for the mission. I think my guilt comes from not getting to say goodbye... from not being on Vanooria much after you left. I was so angry with him for separating you and I.. I never got to say goodbye to him." She admitted.
> 
> "I'm sorry. I know your father and I had not always gotten along but the moment he called me 'son', and I knew what I had to do, it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do..." He said and then took a large swig from his cup. 
> 
> "Right, well... What then?"
> 
> "Then the First Order moved from Myaholath to Starkiller Base, and Snoke continued training me. I think that was one of my lower points during the mission. I really may have fallen into the Darkness. I struggled with your father's death. My visions got worse. I had nightmares every night. My anger was completely consuming me. I knew that the deaths would just keep coming, but Snoke trusted me more and more with each one, so I just kept doing it. I would either actively participate in the taking of someone's life, or stand idly by and not stop it."
> 
> "How many people do you think you killed?"
> 
> "To be honest, I stopped keeping count... but when I found out what the plan for Hosnian Prime and the Republic Senate was, whatever bit of morality I had left, kicked in. I tinkered with the morality programming in a stormtrooper. FN-2187, to be exact."
> 
> "Finn?... that was you?" Cattsu asked, surprised.
> 
> "I had to do something. The raid of Jakku was his first test. I watched him struggle with the carnage and I knew that he would not be able to watch it any longer. I didn't realize that he would be as successful as destroying Starkiller but... I got lucky, I suppose."
> 
> "Then Han came..." She muttered, moving the story along.
> 
> "I didn't want to kill him. There were too many people watching, and I had no choice. That day will haunt me for the rest of my life." He raised his hand up to the scar on his face, and continued with the story. "After Han died... Snoke completed my training. He felt that I had passed his tests. I waited, and waited, and waited.. for a year, for the perfect moment. When they began building the new Starkiller, I knew it was time to strike. Everyone, even Snoke, was in the same place at the same time. I made contact with Luke, and while he and I struck down Snoke, Connsu, Rey and Shaak took down the high-ranking officials of the First Order. By the time that word had spread that the Supreme Leader and General Hux had been murdered, most of the survivors just surrendered. Then the Rebel Alliance came in and did the arresting...."
> 
> "And now we're here...." She finished his story. 
> 
> "Now we're here.." He took a long pause. "So, what do we do now?"
> 
> "I don't know.... I don't know, Ben.. It is... a lot of information, and honestly, I don't know if it changes much."
> 
> "I know you don't want to hear it right now, but I still love you. Every time that I have been around you since being back, I feel the Darkness being stripped away from me."
> 
> "I want to help but it's still hard, I thought knowing the story would make it better but.."
> 
> Ben interrupted her. "Then just give me a chance. If you want to help, give me a chance. Let me prove myself. I just can't believe that you feel nothing for me. We got married, Cat. Every time that something happens, you've been there and you've showed me that you still care. Can we please just work on us?"
> 
> "Ben.."
> 
> "I'm going to go back to my bedroom, just think about it. If you want to try this again, find me tomorrow." Ben said, as he backed out of the room. 


	12. The Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cattsu and Ben reunite after his run-in with bounty hunters, sent by the remaining Knight of Ren, Huserab, and one of the only leftover First Order officials, Admiral Marcer. They reconcile after their in-depth conversation about his time with Supreme Leader Snoke and the First Order. Theirs is not the only reunion, however.

He woke to the sound of the buttons on the panel for his door being pressed. When the door whooshed open, and he saw Cattsu standing in the doorway, holding a tray with breakfast, he sat up. 

> "Ah fuck." Ben yelped in pain. 
> 
> "Oh shit..." Cattsu rushed into the room, placed the tray on the floor, and hopped over the bed to his side. "Are you okay, still in pain?" 
> 
> "You're here.." He pulled at her arm, pulling her on top of him. 
> 
> "I'm here." She landed on top of his legs, and felt the cold air still rushing in from the open door. "I thought about everything you said, and then thought of how I felt when you were hurt, and I realized that my feelings for you were obviously still there. I thought about how everything was before you left and I just, I'm trying to hold on to those years instead now. We're married... I can't keep ignoring that fact."
> 
> He held her head to his lap, stroking her hair. He was thrilled. "I love you so much."
> 
> "Ben.... It's going to take me some time to get back there, okay? Um, let's get you taken care of."

Ben lowered his head, as she climbed off of the bed. She closed the door and picked up the tray with enough breakfast for the both of them and brought it over to the bed. She walked around to his side of the bed and pulled down his sheets. 

> "You never said whether or not it was okay?"
> 
> "I understand. A lot has happened. I'll keep trying though."
> 
> She smiled. "I can't believe you fell asleep in all of this." 

She helped him sit up and began pulling at his boots, then his pants, and finally his underwrappings, rendering him naked. 

> "So much for taking things slow." He joked. 
> 
> "Hush." She playfully shoved him and he winced. "Sorry." She laughed. 

She changed his wound dressing, put a clean pair of pants on him, and pulled the tray with breakfast up to his lap. They spent the rest of the morning, relaxing in his room and reminiscing about their past together. They left the room in the afternoon to go for a walk, and spent the rest of the day getting Ben introduced to all of the new Jedi at the Temple. 

Weeks passed and every day was a little different. On some days, Ben would sit in on Cattsu's lessons with the padawans, on others he would help Sifo with the Younglings, but most days, he would spend the whole day in the medical bay, rehabilitating his arm. 

One evening, after his second to last check up in the medical bay, while Ben was walking to the dining hall, he felt a disturbance in the Force. He knew what it meant. He sprinted to the dining hall, and as soon as he saw Luke, his face portrayed what was happening. 

> "They're coming." Luke announced to the room. "Sifo, get the padawans and Younglings into the underground tunnels. Go, NOW!" 
> 
> "Filonia, go with them... help my brother." Cattsu ordered her padawan, the oldest in the group. She watched as the last of the children ran out of the room, and then turned to Ben. "We need to get you your old lightsaber." She grabbed his arm and ran to the Archive room. "Master Ahsoka has been keeping it safe for me in the weapons vault."

She used the Force to open a combination of locks in a specific order and the massive doors, hidden in the back of the room opened. She ran in and grabbed three lightsabers off of the wall, and closed the doors behind her. She tucked a sword in the back of her utility belt and handed the other two to Ben. 

> "Are you good to fight?" She asked with a tone of worry in her voice. 
> 
> "My arm is fine. Why two lightsabers?" He asked as he held both his old weapon and a sword that he had never seen before in his hands. 
> 
> "You remember what happened on Christophsis?You never know when you need a back up." She said with a smirk. She began to run out of the Archives but stopped when she realized that Ben wasn't behind her. She turned and saw him with his eyes closed. 
> 
> "It's him..." 
> 
> "Huserab? Marcier?" Cattsu asked. 
> 
> "Both of them. They're here. We have to go. This is my fight to finish." Ben began to run towards the sound of blaster fire. 
> 
> "FACE ME, REN. COME OUT HERE AND FACE ME, YOU TRAITOR!" They heard over the weaponry exchange. 

They ducked back into the dining hall, only to see the front doors to the main Temple building were open and blaster fire was coming through. Cattsu and Ben huddled behind the flipped over dining table with Rey and Luke. Connsu and Ahsoka were on the opposite side of the room deflecting blaster fire. 

> "I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, KYLO REN. COME OUT HERE." The man screamed again over the blaster fire. 
> 
> "Do we have any idea how many are out there?" Cattsu asked.
> 
> "There is a whole battalion led by an Admiral, and a Knight of Ren..." Rey said as she looked at Ben. 
> 
> "I can take on the Knight. Admiral Marcier and the battalion I'll leave to you." Ben ordered. He quickly kissed Cattsu and got up from behind the table, simultaneously igniting his old blue lightsaber. 
> 
> "I'm right here, Huserab, come and fight me yourself, you scum." Ben shouted back, as he deflected further blaster fire. 

Cattsu watched Ben walk out the doors of the main Temple and into the snowy night. The rest of the Jedi followed Cattsu, to take on the remnants of the First Order troopers, and Admiral Marcier. She struck down a stormtrooper, and turned to Ben to see if he needed help. Suddenly, she saw a Z6 Riot Control Baton unfold and glow red in front of Ben. 

Two white glowing swords came striking down in between Ben and the man with the Z6 Riot Control Baton. Ben was shocked to see how agile Master Ahsoka Tano still was in her old age. She alternated her hits against the Knight of Ren with the weapon that could resist the power of a lightsaber. Ben reignited his saber and joined the fight. 

> "You can't fight me yourself, Kylo?" The man taunted. 
> 
> "I don't have to Huserab." Ben retorted, nodding at the Grand Master Jedi. 

Huserab Ren elbowed Ahsoka in the chest and she fell to the ground. He went for a striking blow to the wounded Jedi, but Ben's blue saber, intervened before the blow could land. He continued his fight with his old associate. 

The other Jedi were making good headway with the intruders. Connsu had left the fight to assist the wounded Master Tano away from the action. Luke had pushed back almost the entirety of the battalion away from the Temple with a powerful Force-push. The Jedi pursued the pushed back troopers. 

Cattsu went straight after Admiral Marcier, a tall and aggressive man with a blaster. She took down his two bodyguards with a single swipe of her blade. She deflected a few more shots from his blaster and then plunged her lightsaber into his stomach, ending his fight. 

She went back to help finish off the rest of the stormtroopers, as Ben continued his fight with Huserab. Ben ducked and dodged out of the way of Huserab's stabbing baton. He took his old lightsaber in his hands and held it over his head, expecting to land the final blow, but Huserab used the baton to hit the hilt of Ben's sword, causing it to fly out of his hands and into the snow. Ben contorted his body as he dodged the stabs of the Knight of Ren's weapon. 

> "You traitorous scum, we trusted you."
> 
> "Give up, Huserab, I don't want to hurt you, but I will if you make me." Ben replied. 
> 
> "You cannot hurt me, Kylo. You will die and the Knights of Ren will rise again with me as their master." Huserab said through clenched teeth. He held his baton over his head, aiming it to come down in the middle of Ben's face. 
> 
> "I'm sorry, old friend." Ben said, as he pulled the lightsaber from the back of his utility belt, lit it, and watched as the orange blade sliced through Huserab's arms and neck, severing his head from his body and dropping the Z6 Riot Control Baton into the snow behind him. 

Ben dropped to the snow and powered off the lightsaber. He stared at the deformed body in front of him and shook his head. Part of him had always hoped that Huserab would never come out of hiding, and would move on from his bitter grudge, but the logical part of him knew that that would never be the case. 

Cattsu walked over to Ben, and put her hand on his shoulder, in an attempt to comfort him. She lowered down to her knees to sit beside him and pulled his face to look at her, instead of Huserab's lifeless corpse. Her emerald green colored hood covered half of her face, as the wind blew from the side.

> "The other's went to go check if there was anyone left on the ship, but I think it's over." She said to him, breaking the silence. 

He got up from the snow, leaving Cattsu still sitting beside his old friend, and walked back through the front doors of the Temple, throwing his new lightsaber on the stone floors of the dining hall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben is going to have some serious PTSD coming after all of this bullshit. Hope you guys are liking it, if anyone has any ideas about what a post-TFA Ben Solo would be like, give me a shout!


	13. The Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy smut. 
> 
>  
> 
> not like pious smut, just like holy smokes there is some graphic shit ahead. THIS IS NSFW. at all.

Cattsu knocked on the door and waited. She raised her hand to knock again when the large stone door swung up.

> "Can I come in?" She asked as Ben stood in the doorway, blocking the entrance.
> 
> "Of course." He replied, monotonously. 

She followed him through the door and sat down next to him on his bed. 

> "I haven't seen you in two days... Are you okay?" She asked, worried about the battle that transpired the night before last and how it was affecting Ben.
> 
> "I'm fine, I just wanted to be alone."
> 
> "Do you want me to leave then?" She asked, not hiding her disappointment over the fact that she finally came to see him and wanted to be with him, but he maybe wanted to be alone. 
> 
> "No, absolutely not, come here." He pulled the covers to his bed down so that she could slide in next to him. 

She closed the door to his bedroom and unclasped her cloak from around her throat, revealing a tight-fitting, royal blue satin dress that left very little to the imagination. Ben looked off in the opposite direction of her, working to fight a grin from spreading across his face at the knowledge that she definitely was not wearing anything underneath it. She sat uncomfortably at his feet, too nervous to be forward in her actions. She feared rejection from him. 

> "How's your arm?" She asked awkwardly. 
> 
> A slight smile emerged from the corner of his mouth. "It's fine, still a little sore but it's not like you'd hurt me if you got closer."

He reached out his hand towards her and pulled him up unto his chest. She contorted her body so that she could lay up against him without comfortably. She kept her hand in place on his collarbone, but made small kneading motions with her fingers. They laid like that for a while. She was nervous and stiff and not herself. He could feel the tension.

> "So are you going to sleep here tonight?" He asked, breaking the silence. She nodded. "Do you want to get under the covers then? It's cold tonight, even for a Vanoorian."

She crawled into the bed with him, and pulled the sheets up over her. She reached under and pulled up on the bottom of her dress, up towards her thighs, so that she could lay on her side, cuddle up next to him and rest her leg over his lap. She reached her hand over to his bare stomach and caressed her way up to his chest. She watched as he rested, his eyes closed, noting how peaceful he looked.  

> "I missed you..." She whispered to him, shutting her eyes as not to see his reaction. 
> 
> "I missed you." He whispered back. "Should we go to sleep?" He asked. 
> 
> "No."
> 
> "Do you want to talk about something?" He said, shifting in place to get a better view of her face. 
> 
> "No."
> 
> Ben contorted his face, frustrated by her sudden meekness. "What did you come over here for... I don't want to sound rude, I just don't want to get... What do you want out of tonight?" He asked, frankly.
> 
> "You." She replied, as she slid her hand from his chest down under the covers.

He looked down at her and wrapped his large hand around the back of her neck, pulling her face up to his to kiss her. He was stunned by her directness and seemingly sudden change of heart.

She found the tuck in his underwrappings and pulled, unravelling the fabric between her and his dick. She loosened the wrappings enough that she could get her hand in between, and she wrapped her fingers around his member. He hadn't been touched in so long. He shut his eyes and focused on the feeling of her hand tugging at his cock. Even after all of this time, she still knew what felt good. 

He opened his eyes back up when he felt her rustling under the sheets. He saw her on her knees and pulling the covers over her head, and suddenly felt her ripping at his wrappings. He lifted up and helped her pull them off, and tried to pull the sheet down to see her. 

> "Just close your eyes and relax." She advised, as she pulled the sheets back over her head. 

His cock was already hard when he felt her tongue lick the tip. He felt her hand wrap around his shaft and her mouth take in the head of his penis. He sighed as she bobbed her head up and down, her lips sealed around his shaft. He heard the muffled sounds of her choking as she took him deeper and deeper into her throat. Her lips vibrated as quietly moaned, enjoying having his big, thick cock in her mouth again. 

He was having a hard time focusing on anything but the sheets moving. He wanted to see her dragging her tongue from base to tip, not just feel it. He wanted to help keep her hair out of her face and let her see how much he was enjoying it. He pulled at the sheets, and revealed her deep throating his dick underneath. He realized that she was trying to do this without the frightening prospect of intimacy. He knew that if they were ever going to start to repair that they needed to be comfortable being intimate with each other again. 

> "Is it not good.....?" She questioned, hesitantly. 
> 
> "No, it's amazing... just.. come here." He placed his hand on her cheek and softly guided her up to his face. 

He embraced her in a long but gentle kiss. She knelt next to him, her hands braced against his chest and his bicep. He sat up further and began reaching for the bottom of her dress. He watched as she raised her arms above her head, and the dress pulled off, her hair cascading onto her shoulders and back. He'd dreamt about this but could never remember all of the small, sensual details that went along with reality. 

He carefully pulled at her legs, from behind her knees, and helped to lay her on her back. He spread her legs and reached between her thighs to rub her clit. He licked his thumb and spread her lips with his fingers and began to knead her clit with his thumb. He rested on his side next to her, her leg draped over his. He licked and sucked on her neck as she slightly trembled with each touch. 

He licked, sucked and bit his way down her body. He was sucking long and hard on her neck, breasts and stomach, not caring about leaving marks. He watched her the whole way down, maintaining eye contact to ensure she was feeling every kiss. 

He finally made his way down in between her thighs. Her body was writhing around on the sheets in anticipation of what he would do next. He didn't even suck or lick, simply placed his open mouth and pointed tongue against her wet pussy, and she moaned. He paused at this sound and looked up at her. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was open. 

He gently and carefully, separated the lips of her pussy with his fingers and went in to lightly flick his tongue back and forth across her clit. She squirmed. Moans and heavy breaths were all that were coming out of her now. He dragged his tongue back and forth, closing his eyes to concentrate. He gripped the back of her thigh, near the bend of her knee, and pushed her leg up against her chest to get better access, as he sucked on her clit and stuck his other fingers inside her pussy. 

He dragged his lips along the leg that was pinned up against her chest, and wiped the juices off of his face. He hovered over her face for a moment, staring into her eyes, and kissed her hard on the lips.

He kept her thigh pinned up against her chest, and tapped her pussy with the head of his cock. She watched him, intensely, as he slowly pushed just the tip into her tight, wet cunt. He stared at her for another moment, not inching any further in.  

> "Do you trust me?" He asked quietly. 
> 
> "Yes." She replied, as she wrapped her hand around his arm, preparing herself to feel the thickness of his cock fill her up again, for the first time in years. 

He pulled out, and again, gently and slowly pushed the head of his penis into her vagina. She sucked in air quickly as he pushed himself in farther. He kept his face close to hers, kissing her lips and breathing in her moans and making sure she was alright. He went with slow, but forcefully ending thrusts, until he began to feel her leg tremble and cramp. 

> "Do you want to stop?" He asked. 
> 
> "No... no, I just want to.." She trailed off as she got out from underneath, and climbed on top of him. 

He pulled her leg closer to his chest as she straddled him. She positioned herself so that she could guide his cock back inside of her warm and wet pussy. He laid there, staring at her as the euphoria of his dick entering her again spread across her face. She moaned hard and he reached up to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around the top of his head and he reached both of his arms around her back, hugging her close to him as he thrust up into her from below. She began bouncing and moaning and he let his hands wander down to grab fistfuls of her ass. She began bouncing in longer strides, her tits and neck hovering over his mouth. He wrapped his arms tightly around her lower back again and began jackhammering, quick and hard pumps. She moaned loudly and pushed up from the bed to climb off of him. 

He looked at her with such concern in his eyes. 

> "I'm fine, I just need a minute." She said as she climbed down between his legs. He sat up a bit to better see what she was doing. 

She looked down at his fully erect dick in front of her and began sucking on his balls. He was stunned that she would go down on him after he had been inside of her, but watched intensely as she worked her tongue up from his balls, to the base of his cock to the head. She licked and sucked and he sat, propped up on his arm, breathing heavily with his mouth open. She deep throated him and watched as he flung his head back and moaned loudly. 

He enjoyed the head for a minute or two and then sat up and locked eyes with her. He dragged his hands along her arms, and reached up to cup her cheeks. He kissed her deeply for a moment, not caring that he had just been in her mouth.  

> "I want to do something..." He hesitated, as she looked at him with concern. "I want to try something again but... I want to replace a bad memory with a good one... can I do that?" He asked. 
> 
> She sighed, "Yes. 
> 
> "Do you trust me?"
> 
> "Yes." She replied quicker. 

She turned over onto her hands and knees and knelt in front of him, as he positioned himself behind her. He stuck his fingers into her pussy and wet the outside of her lips before he tried to stick it in. She was tense and tighter than before, but still wet enough. 

He slowly placed the head in. The extra resistance made them both immediately moan. He thrust back and forth gently into her, trying to get her to relax and loosen up so that he could go deeper. 

He leaned over and kissed her shoulder blade. She moaned. He moved his head to kiss the other, and then moved his mouth towards the back of her neck. He swept all of her long hair off of her back and neck and left his mouth hovering close to her back. He dragged his tongue from her spine to behind her left ear, and she moaned even harder. She began to loosen and push back into his thrusts. He left his nose pressed up against her neck, breathing hot air onto her back and listening to her heavy panting. He made sure that nothing more than a few moments passed between hot, wet kisses were laid onto her warm, bare skin. She began to push hard against his cock and their bodies rocked in unison, her back pressed against his stomach, and his free hand cupping her breasts. 

She stopped rocking and laid down on the bed. He laid down behind her, kissing his way up her arm to her shoulder. He looked at her for permission and she smiled. 

He knew he couldn't take much more of this. He guided his almost throbbing cock into her pussy, and leaned into her body. She grabbed for the back of his head, wanting to intertwine her fingers in his hair. She wanted him close. He watched her close her eyes and bite her lips to muffle the moans. He cupped her tit and kissed her cheek. She turned her head to kiss him on the lips. He moved his hand over her torso towards her already blood-filled clit. 

She moaned loudly as he simultaneously rubbed her clit and fucked her pussy. It didn't take very much for her to begin shaking, as the orgasm waved through her body. Normally he would stop if she orgasmed, giving her a break, but he kept gently pumping. She pulled his hand from her clit, and he brought it up to her face to pull it gently towards hers so could kiss her. 

She wrapped her hands around his hand and arms and they messily kissed each other, his thumb pressed up against her cheek. He smiled in between kisses, satisfied with her satisfaction. 

He maneuvered her onto her back, leaning her left leg against his body, and very gently re-entered her. Her pussy was soaked and throbbing and she took a deep, short breath with every thrust. He knew he was close, and he knew she was feeling raw and tired, so he began thrusting hard and fast. She all but screamed. He felt the cum filling up his cock and tried to thrust even deeper.  

> "In or out?" He managed to mumble.
> 
> "In." She said without hesitating. 

Moments later, he pushed as hard as he could against her pussy and began trembling; his knees almost giving out beneath the weight of the orgasm. She threw her head back and yelped with pleasure. It had been so long since she felt his warm cum fill her up. 

He leaned over to kiss her and she tightened her vaginal walls against his cock. He shivered and twitched, not quite even able to kiss her fully. She grinned as she did it again. He smiled and buried his head into her neck, lightly nibbling on it. He remained inside of her as he went back to kissing her neck and chest. 

Finally, he collapsed on top of her. She ran her fingers through his hair and massaged his neck and back. He felt himself falling out of her pussy and sat up to watch his cum drip out. He reached down to the bench at the foot of his bed and grabbed a towel, wiping the cum and sweat off of her. 

He walked over to the bowl of warm water, next to the fireplace, and dipped a clean cloth in. He rung it out lightly and walked back over to the bed. He laid down next to Cattsu and began dragging the warm, damp cloth across her body. She shivered from his touch. He was being more gentle, thoughtful and loving than she had ever remembered him being before. 

 

 

> "That... that was amazing, Ben."
> 
> "It was.. I just wanted so badly to show you how much I care."
> 
> "It showed.." She chuckled, and pulled him down on to the bed next to her. 
> 
> "I hate to put a damper on this but, did this happen because I have to be in court in two weeks and the judge could still send me to jail?" Ben asked.
> 
> "No, because that won't happen. You've made so much progress, and it would make no sense to punish you like that now."
> 
> "So, why now?" He inquired again. 
> 
> "You didn't talk to me for two days, and I missed you, and I had time to think about us and all I could think about was how I wanted to get back to where we were." She explained.
> 
> "So..." He grinned. "You're ready to try this again?" She nodded. "and you're sleeping here tonight?" She nodded and laughed. 


	14. The End of the First Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick chapter about Ben going back to back to Coruscant to face his re-trial and further sentencing.

"When I last stood in front of you, Your Honor, I.. I was not convinced that not putting Ben Solo in prison for life, wasn't the best the idea for everyone. I wasn't sure that he wasn't dangerous or corrupted by the darkness that we forced him to embrace for so long... I know that little more than a year has passed since he was pulled out from underneath Snoke's thumb, but the progress that I have watched has been unmeasurable. I have watched him try to find peace and happiness and the Light Side of the Force. He is trying. He has people who love him and will help him continue his efforts. I have also, as recently as last month, watched him fight the demons from his time with the First Order and the Knights of Ren. He did not hesitate to get the job done in an effort to further protect the galaxy. I don't think that he will ever go back to being the Ben Solo that he was before, but that is fine. We owe a great debt to this man, and I know that most won't see it that way but they don't know the things that this Court does. On behalf of the Jedi Council, I believe that Ben Solo is being properly rehabilitated and is working his way into becoming a functioning member of society once again. I believe that his house arrest should be lifted, as he is no longer a danger. Thank you, Your Honor." 

Cattsu sat back down as the crowd murmured over her statement. She reached for the panel to send her pod back to its platform, but the Judge interrupted her.

"One last inquiry, Master Jedi, if I may." Cattsu nodded, and stood back up to address the room. "I believe that the most telling truth of Ben Solo's rehabilitation and ability to acclimate back into normal society lies in the answer of one simple question.... Do you still feel like his wife?" The last word of the Judge's question echoed through the chamber.

Cattsu shifted uncomfortably, not enjoying this public intrusion of her life. "Yes, Your Honor." The crowd gasped and chattered. "I tried very hard to deny those feelings but he has worked very hard to earn my forgiveness and trust and it was hard to deny those feelings when I saw him trying to be that man again." 

"Thank you for your candor, Master Jedi." The judge bellowed. 

Her testimony pod whirred back to its docking station and she walked out the door towards Ben's holding cell. She stood in front of the Capital guards and waited for them to open the door. When she walked inside, Ben lifted his head to see her, a vision in regal looking silver and black criss-crossing fabric, interwoven to create a subtle checkered effect. She took down the hood from her cloak and tilted her head to the side to look at him. 

"It went fine. Luke spoke before me and gave a really rousing speech about how the boy that he used to train has turned into a young man that he is proud of and took on an impossible mission. Your mother is speaking now, then Connsu, Sifo, Rey, Senator Bonteri, Senator Naberrie...."

"Then a few opposition speakers whose families I killed and who still want me to rot in prison." Ben interrupted her, with a melancholy tone. 

"Well, I don't think that that will happen, Ben. At worst, you get more house arrest."

She placed her cloak on the table in front of Ben, revealing a backless, long sleeved, tight-fitting, silver jersey dress. She walked over and sat on Ben's lap, running her fingers through his trimmed, yet shaggy black hair. He gripped her hip bones tightly in his large hands and sighed, burying his face into her chest and holding her close. She rested her cheek on the top of his head and hugged his neck. 

"I just, I deserve punishment... I did horrible things to so many people, in the name of what? Peace?.. I... I deserve it, but oh gods, there is something about being with you, touching you... breathing you in, that.. makes me remember why I went through all of this in the first place. Why I don't want to go to prison."

Cattsu sighed heavily, intoxicated by his words. "Well.. it's a good thing that you will be staying with me then." 

He began kissing her neck, his hand moving from her hip to her bare back. He didn't care that the room was under surveillance, he just wanted to be with her. Her head was pulled back, as he kissed up her neck to her jaw. He moved his hand to the back of her neck, pushing her head back forward to kiss his lips. They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Cattsu jumped to her feet, straightening out her dress, and looking at Ben, who was fixing his hair. She fixed her cloak back around her neck and told the intruder to enter. 

"Excuse me, Master." Filionia said quietly. 

"Yes, Padawan.." 

"It's time for Ben's testimony. Everyone else is finished."

"Even the opposition?" Ben asked. 

"Yes, sir." Filonia responded. 

"Let's go then." Cattsu turned to Ben, as the guards entered the room behind Filonia. 

* * *

 

Ben sat in the testimonial pod and waited for it to make its way to the center of the room. He dreaded his return to that echoey chamber, and all of the angry faces it held. When it reached the center of the room, he stood and faced the Judge to speak. 

"Your Honor, it's been a short year.. a very short year. I do feel as though I have grown a great deal in that small amount of time. Being granted the privilege of getting to spend my time in house arrest, trying to get back to a sense of normalcy, instead of rotting in a prison cell, was one that I tried not to waste. All that I can really promise is that I am sorry for my past actions, and I am trying hard to stay in the Light and make up for what was done. I hope that the Court will continue to allow that to happen.... That's all. Thank you, Your Honor."

Ben finished and waited for the Court's decision. He looked back at the docking platform and made eye contact with Cattsu. They shared a longing glance, which was interrupted by the familiar booming voice of the New Republic Senate appointed judge, who had presided over his initial trial and handed down his original sentence. 

"The Court has faith in the Jedi and their ability to see what the rest of us cannot. After hearing the testimonies of those who have spent time with the accused, I believe that my initial sentencing of house arrest was the correct decision to make, as it has seemed to benefit the accused. I do not believe that a year was enough time for full and proper rehabilitation. I am ordering two more years of house arrest, however, the accused will not be confined to any one place - he will be allowed to come and go throughout the galaxy as he pleases, just always under the supervision and accompanied by someone from the Jedi Order. I will see you back here in two years time for further evaluation. Court is dismissed." 

Ben sat and waited for his pod to connect with the docking station where Cattsu, Luke and Filonia waited for him. Cattsu hugged him as soon as he walked through the doors. 

"This is good, very good." Ben embraced her back, and then turned to Luke, his hand still wrapped around Cattsu's hand. 

"I think that you and Cattsu should get out of here for a while. Go somewhere, take Filonia, but go somewhere. Get away for a few weeks." 

"Thank you, Master." Cattsu said, as she laid her hand on Luke's shoulder, and walked into the hall with Ben and Filonia. She looked up at Ben and said, "Where to?"


	15. The Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Cattsu go to Scarif in an attempt to escape the reality of the past year and to reconnect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for smut.

He watched as the sun burst through the sheer, white organza coverup that she was wearing, better highlighting the curves of her body. He smiled at the way that she moved the sand around with her toes, and then sat down, pointing her face up towards the sun. He decided to walk from their small beachside cabin, out to lay down next to her.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked in his usual forward and low toned voice. It was his favorite question to ask her when he felt like she was daydreaming. 

" _Mmm_... I was thinking that it's crazy how beautiful and untouched this part of Scarif is even after what the Empire did to the other part of the planet. It's so peaceful and serene... Just amazing that something so wonderful can exist amongst so much tragedy..." She smiled and collapsed backwards into the warm sand, letting the rays from the hot sun soak into her skin. 

He didn't respond, just stared at her a few moments longer, admiring her nakedness through her dress, then collapsed in the sand next to her, his arm resting on top of hers. She turned on her side, eyes still closed, and snaked her arm over his torso, running her fingers over his muscly physique. He had loosely thrown some linen pants on and his hip bones were poking out from the waistband. She ran her fingertips over those too. 

They had barely slept since they arrived on Scarif two days before. They hadn't seen Cattsu's padawan, Filonia, once either. They were just enjoying each other's company and indulging in some rest and relaxation. She couldn't get enough of him. It was like seeing clearly again. It had been four years since she had last known what it felt like to have him inside of her and since she knew that hunger again, _she ached for it_.

She would touch his bare chest and think about how it felt when her breasts were pressed against it. She would feel his chiseled stomach and remember the feeling of his weight on top of her as he plunged his member deep inside of her. When his hand touched her arm, she had a flashback of the night before when he had pinned her hands above her head and fucked her mercilessly. It was an addiction that she did not mind having or indulging. 

She opened her eyes and examined him, his pants were a little tighter than they were before, and he looked relaxed, yet tense. She decided to straddle him. As she positioned herself over him, he opened his eyes, and used one hand to pull the hair away from her eyes, and used the other hand to slip up her dress so that he could hold her ass. She stared at his face. She barely even noticed the massive pinky-flesh colored scar anymore. She made a mental note of all of the tiny moles that spread like a constellation on his face, and rubbed her fingers against the stubble growing on his chin. 

"I love you." She whispered, still intensely focusing on his facial features. 

Ben opened his eyes again, and fixed them directly on hers.

"I love you." He responded quietly, with a smile.

His insides were boiling. He had waited five years to hear her say that again, and she had chosen the perfect moment to express it again.

He gripped her hair a little tighter and pulled her close enough to his face that he could kiss her on the lips. His warm, wet lips parted hers and she sank her fingers into the sand above his head. He sat up, still kissing her sweet, plump lips, and felt the sand that she had collected in her hands, slide down his back. He kept his hands on the back of her head, and under her butt, and lifted with his legs. 

She continued kissing him as he carried her back to the cabin. She used her legs and feet to pull down his cream colored, linen pants as he walked. He stepped right out of them. She wrapped her legs back around his torso and kept kissing him. Breathless, frantic and wild kisses. He sat on the bed, her legs still wrapped around his body, and he kissed at her neck, then shoulder, then down to her elbow, repeated on the other side. 

She felt him growing hard underneath her. She wanted him so badly. Every kiss was wonderful yet painful because it prolonged the joining of their bodies. Sand stuck to the sweat, and then onto the floor and bed as the two of them moved together. She nibbled on his ears, and he bit her shoulder. She kissed his neck, and he played with her breasts. 

" _Please_..." She begged, breathlessly. 

Ben grinned. They had had sex several times since arriving to Scarif, but none was as passionate, or wild, or primal as this. He took his length in his hand, and placed it near her opening. She lifted herself a little, and placed herself down on him. He slipped right inside.

She was warm and wet and tight and she sucked him right in. He began slowly; still holding her in his lap, her breasts rubbing against his chest as she moved up and down. Their faces barely inches apart, simply breathing each other in. He thrust up hard, suddenly, and she gasped in air. 

His hands ran back and forth from her hair, to her shoulders to her ass cheeks. Hers ran from his arms, to his shoulders, his neck and hair and back. There was not a part of him she didn't want to touch. She ran her hands from his shoulders to his wrists and he responded by interlacing his fingers with hers. He thrusted harder and she moaned. Her head rolled backwards in pleasure, and he felt the feathery movement of her long hair, just barely grazing his thighs. 

No one said a thing. No one had to. He was doing exactly what she liked, and she was doing exactly what he liked. Just moans and heavy breaths. She stared at him, her eye brow furrowing, and her mouth barely frowning, so he picked up his pace, knowing fully what is about to happen. He wanted to finish with her. 

He delved as deep inside of her as he could. They moaned in unison. His face contorted, and she began to spasm. Her whole body clenched and he felt the knot at the base of his cock begin to unravel. He buried his face into her hair as his warm cum filled her up. The touch of his oversized hands running lightly over her back caused her to tremble. She stayed in his lap with him holding her for a while longer, completely satisfied.

* * *

 

She woke up in the middle of the night, the wind blowing the lightweight curtains into the room through the open door, and found that he was not in bed with her. She scanned the room, her eyes adjusting to the darkness, but she couldn't find him. Cattsu pulled the sheet around her shoulders and looked out the window to see him sitting alone on the beach, staring at the surf in the darkness, due to Scarif's lack of moons. 

" _What are you thinking?_ " She asked, as she settled into the sand next to him. 

He looked over to her, the noise she made snapping him out of a trance. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to leave you alone."

"Have you slept once since we've been here?"

"Yea, yes." 

"Through the night?" She asked.

He stared at the sand in front of him, and dug his heel further into it. "No." 

"Are you having nightmares?" 

"Yea." He replied. 

"Then we sit here and don't sleep." She pulled some of the bed sheet off of her and put it around his shoulder.

He grabbed her by the knee and rested his head on her bent leg. "Then we sit here." He said, calmly. 


	16. The Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shaak Tano, granddaughter of the legendary Ahsoka Tano, former padawan of Anakin Skywalker and current Grand Master Jedi of the New Order, has been on Onderon on a peacekeeping and protection mission for Senator Rill Bonteri. The mission has taken a turn towards violence and Shaak has called on the Jedi Council for help. The High Council has sent Ben, Cattsu, her padawan Filonia, Sifo, his two padawans, and Rey to assist in the peacekeeping mission. Ben struggles with being sent on this mission.

"Behind you, Ben!" Sifo leaped in front of oncoming blaster fire, deflecting each shot with his lightsaber. 

"Thanks, buddy." Ben remarked, as Sifo smiled his big, toothy smile at his former master and then ran after the Devaronian combatant that shot at Ben in the first place. 

Ben was left in the room that had been cleared by Cattsu, her padawan, Filonia, and her brother, Jedi Knight Sifo-Dyas II. He gripped the handle and the underside of the blaster that had been given to him a little to hard. He was scared and anxious being back in a high pressure, highly dangerous and violent situation. He wasn't paying attention as closely as he should be. Ben made his way into the next room, following the path of Cattsu and Filonia.

When he caught up, he watched as the two Jedi gracefully and forcefully cleared the room of the Devaronian and Ithorian insurgents, holding Shaak and Senator Bonteri hostage. Ben saw a Devaronian hiding in a corner, aiming his blaster at Filonia. Ben shot his blaster at the Devaronian before the Devaronian could shoot the padawan. He felt conflicting emotions of joy and terror, the moment his blaster fire met the red flesh of its target. 

He could feel his surroundings digging up old emotions and painful memories and all he could do was try to keep them from bubbling up to the surface. He rubbed his eyes and forehead, trying to stave off a headache, and carried on to the next room. As he stepped through the doorway, he watched Cattsu dip her glowing blade into the back of a creature with a blaster, and he dropped to the floor. He huddled up against the wall, hugging his blaster, unable to shake the flashes of red light and the sounds of muffled crying and screaming. He pressed his fingers into the bone above his eyebrows, trying to get the involuntary visions to stop coming. _They wouldn't_. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." Ben repeated over and over to himself. 

He couldn't hear the low hum of lightsabers or the high pitched ringing of blasters anymore. It was all just flashes of red and him muttering to himself. 

"Ben... **BEN**!" Sifo yelled, inches from Ben's face, as he shook his shoulders and tried to get him to snap out of his fit. "Did you get hurt?" 

Ben looked up and saw the familiar and unharmed face of Sifo, and remembered where he was. "No... no, I'm fine. Where's.. _um_..."

"They're in the next room. I think they got all of the terrorists because the fighting has stopped but when I came in, I saw you sitting here... Ben, _are you sure you're okay?_ " Sifo reached out his hand, offering to help Ben stand back up.

"I'm fine. Thanks, Si." 

Ben and Sifo walked into the next room and saw Cattsu on her comm link, calling for medical droids, Filonia holding his outer tunic to Senator Bonteri's stomach, and Shaak, writhing in pain, trying to get out of the laser cuffs that had her chained to the ceiling. Sifo ran over to Shaak and uncuffed her and Ben had another flash. He remembered faces of people in the interrogation chamber of Starkiller Base. He remembered the blood dripping from Poe Dameron's temple, and turned to walk back into the previous room. No one noticed he was gone, they were all caught up in the moment happening with Shaak and Rill Bonteri. Ben caught a movement from the corner of his eye, aimed his blaster, shot, and heard a thud. 

" **Ben**!... Ben.. are you okay?" Cattsu rushed into the room. 

"Yea, there was somone.." Ben pointed behind a stack of crates. 

Cattsu walked over and checked. The Devaronian was dead. "You got him."

"How are they?" Ben was blinking in a funny manner, and Cattsu looked concerned. 

"Shaak is beaten up but she looks okay, they shot Rill as soon as we entered the house.. he's losing a lot of blood and if they don't get here soon, I don't know if he'll make it.... are _you_ okay?" She reached her hand up to his face and touched his cheek. He flinched away from her. 

"I'm fine. Let's take care of them." He walked away from Cattsu and went back into the other room. 

* * *

 

When help finally arrived, taking Shaak and the Senator to the medical bay in the palace, where Rey, and Sifo's two padawans, Yayut and Selrup, waited for them, overseeing the peace negotiations, Cattsu took Ben and walked with him out into the hall. 

"What are you doing? You should be in there. You're the only Jedi Master of us all." Ben questioned her.

"What happened back there? I could feel your fear and conflict and... _joy_?"

"Why did I get sent here with all of you?" Ben asked in a tone that was maybe an octave louder than he wanted it to be. "I'm not a Jedi anymore. You wouldn't even give me my lightsaber." He quieted his voice. 

"The Council and I thought that since you are still technically a Jedi Knight that you would want to... none of us know if you still want this, Ben, and you refuse to talk about it with anyone. We thought that if we threw you back into it that maybe you would be able to decide if you still _want_ to be a Jedi. If you would want to take on a new apprentice, become a master, help me train on Naboo..."

"I want it.... I do! _I just_.." Ben sighed and rubbed his hand across his face. " _Why couldn't I have been involved in that conversation?_ I want to be a Jedi. I've always wanted that but it's different now. I used to love watching the way you moved with a lightsaber in your hand. It was elegant and thoughtful and purposeful and I knew you were doing what you had to for all of the right reasons. I just don't know if that's what I would be doing anymore. I still feel the pull of the Dark Side and right now, all I see is _red_..." Ben leaned against the wall.

Rey ran into the hallway to find Cattsu, and grabbed her arm as soon as she saw her. "You have to get back in here, the whole place is about to erupt and none of us have the negotiation skills that you do.... Please, Cat."

"We'll finish this later." Cattsu said to Ben, as she broke eye contact and followed Rey back into the throne room. 


	17. The General

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia passes away, peacefully in her sleep. Cattsu joins Ben back to Naboo to attend the same kind of funeral that Leia's mother was honored with so many years ago. Ben faces the public for the first time and continues battling his demons, and his treatment of his parents. 
> 
>  
> 
>  

"Thank you for your kindness, Your Majesty, we will see you shortly." Cattsu said into the communications panel on the starcruiser. "Ben, are you almost finished changing? We're landing soon." 

"Yea, I'm ready." Ben said as he walked out of the sleeping quarters, straightening out his black leather tunic and repositioning his utility belt. 

Cattsu walked over to where he was standing, out of earshot of Luke, who was piloting the ship. "You look handsome. She would have thought so as well." She rested her hands on his chest, feeling the smooth leather against her fingertips. 

"Thanks." He walked away from her and sat in the co-pilot's chair, next to Luke. 

"I will go get all of our things ready then.." She said in a defeated tone. 

"You shouldn't be so dismissive of her. _She's trying_." Luke said to Ben as he began landing the ship at the docking station outside of the Theed Palace in Naboo, where Ben, Luke, Chewbacca, Rey and Cattsu were staying. Ben rolled his eyes, dismissing his uncle's advice on love. 

"So, if we're all staying at the palace, where is everyone else staying?" Ben asked his uncle in an attempt to change the subject. 

"Poe Dameron, Finn, Wedge... those guys are all staying at Varykino, and Master Tano, your brothers-in-law and the rest of the Order that could make it are staying at Portum. It should be a full procession through Theed. Queen Awerbata, the Theed governor, the Gungan boss.. they'll all be there to pay respects to your mother." Luke answered. 

"I still don't understand why we don't just have the same funeral as you did for my dad, she isn't even from Naboo." Ben argued. 

"I know that you're uncomfortable about being out in the public. Everyone knows that your relationship with your parents has been turbulent through the years, but these were your mother's wishes, and the Queen respects that. When Alderaan was destroyed, Naboo was the closest thing to a home base that Leia could claim. Queen Awerbata thought that a state funeral much like _my_ mother received when she died was the honor that Leia deserved. _She was royalty after all_ , Ben."

Luke touched the cruiser down in Theed before Ben could continue his argument. He opened the back loading door to the ship and put his hand around the back of Ben's neck, leading him towards the back where Cattsu had amassed all of their luggage. The ship was met by two attendants, one of which was to shut all the systems down and safely park it in the hangar, the other was to escort them inside of the palace. Ben saw the attendant and Cattsu exchanging pleasantries and picking up luggage, leaving only Luke's bags behind, and walking away. Luke picked up his bags and turned to Ben. 

"Remember that she's trying." Luke reiterated. 

Ben huffed at Luke's lecturing tone, sped up to catch up with Cattsu and grabbed the bags from her hands. She stopped in her tracks and watched his long legs carry him into the palace quickly. 

"Don't look so sad, _he's trying_." Luke said to Cattsu, as she nodded and then took his arm and walked into the palace with him. 

When she made her way into the quarters that were given to her and Ben in the palace, she saw Ben laying on his back on the couch, covering his eyes with a wet cloth. She unhooked her black cloak from the shoulders of her dress and laid it on the bed, then walked over to Ben and sat down next to his head. 

" _You need to tell me what to do_. Do you want to talk about it or do you want me to just physically be here for you... or _I don't know_ , be a Wookie shield?" She asked, as she tried to decide whether to try to stroke his hair or just leave him alone. She placed her hands in her lap instead. 

Ben chortled, and dropped the cloth to the floor. He raised his hands above his head, pulling her hand from her lap to his lips for a quick kiss and down to rest on his chest. She began running her fingers through his hair with her free hand. "You know, Chewwie may be the one I am most afraid to face tonight. He made it pretty clear that I mean nothing to him after what I did."

"I know, but he's family and... we're all in this together today, Ben. I promise you."

Ben rubbed her arm, up and down, in a motion that almost seemed to calm him more than her. "I don't want you to just be someone that I walk next to in the funeral procession, I know you're trying and I know that you loved her too and this is hard for you. I just... _I feel so guilty_ over everything that I ever said and did to her. I don't know that I ever truly apologized for it all."

Cattsu got up from the couch and poured water into a glass, and handed it to Ben. "You know, when we all found out about Han and Starkiller Base.." She paused and cleared her throat. "I went to see Leia, and _I was so angry at you_. I kept repeating how you were lost and how I didn't.. _um_ " Cattsu cleared her throat again, trying to decide as she went if this was a story that she wanted to tell him. "How I didn't want you to ever come back, and your mother just kept saying, ' _I hope he's alright, I wish I could comfort him, I know that he wouldn't have chosen to do that_.'... She loved you so much, Ben. The kind of unconditional love that I thought that I had, and I think that I have now but I am certain that she taught me, because she adored you. She was never angry."

"She was a really good mom. She was the bravest person I knew and so funny and she ran circles around Dad. I was pretty bitter growing up because of how much time she spent with the Rebel Alliance and trying to make the galaxy free and safe and how that meant less time paying attention to me, but.. I was deep down, always secretly so proud of her." Ben reminisced. 

* * *

 

"The sun is going down... why don't you get ready? We need to go meet with the Queen before the funeral procession." Cattsu said as she walked towards the mirror with her black lace veil hanging in a bag next to it. 

Cattsu was wearing a long black gown, with long lace sleeves and very little detail. She covered her face in a front and back floor length, matching black lace veil that she fixed into her hair. She handed Ben his black wool cloak, helping him to fasten it to the shoulders of his tunic. 

"So, buns for Leia today?" Ben asked with a smile. 

Cattsu laughed. "It felt fitting."

"You look beautiful. She would've thought so." Ben said as he took her arm and escorted her downstairs to the throne room where Queen Awerbata, Luke, Chewbacca, Rey and Connsu waited. 

"I am sorry for your loss, Sir. Your mother was a force to be reckoned with, and was a true friend to Naboo and all of the galaxy. I will miss her fierceness and counsel greatly."

"Thank you, Your Majesty." Ben bowed. 

" _Shall we?_ " The queen's coordinator motioned to the doors of the throne room. 

Queen Awerbata of Naboo, her royal guard and advisors walked out of the room first, followed closely by Luke and Rey and Connsu. Ben made eye contact with Chewbacca from across the room. Cattsu walked over first and hugged the Wookie. 

"I'm so sorry, Chewbacca. I know that you miss her." Chewbacca roared in reply and hugged the young Master Jedi in return. 

Ben approached the creature that had been a second uncle to him for his entire life. " _Chewwie_.... um, I'm glad that you.." Chewbacca cut Ben off when he drew him in for a hug that lifted Ben's boots off of the ground. 

"Master Solo, I do believe that the procession is waiting for you, Sir." C-3PO interrupted. 

Chewbacca, Ben and Cattsu joined the rest who were waiting in the main entry of the palace and walked out directly behind the Queen and her people, and Luke and Chewbacca. C-3PO, R2-D2, and BB-8 rolled along after them, followed by Connsu, Rey, Finn, and Poe, and then the following Jedi and Rebels. Ben became quickly aware of how out in the public eye he suddenly was. He gripped Cattsu's arm a little tighter. 

"I gave you the cloak with the hood just in case you didn't want to see people." Cattsu whispered up to him. 

Ben nodded and kept walking, listening to the cries over the sight of his mother's open casket through the streets of the capital, to murmurs over the sight of the reformed Knight of Ren. He finally lifted his hood, blocking out all of the outside noise, and stared ahead at the sight of his mother, beautiful with her salt and pepper brown hair covered in ribbon and blossoms and splayed beautifully around her head like a crown. He lifted his head to see the lights of the city dimmed to a flicker and everyone in the crowd, watching the procession go by, holding a candle and crying. He was overwhelmed by their emotion. 

He gripped Cattsu's hand a little tighter and she listened as his breathing became shallow. She couldn't be certain from the graininess of her veil, but she thought that he began to cry. She squeezed his hand and they continued through the funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rest in Peace, Carrie.


	18. The Tipping Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben, Cattsu, her padawan, and Luke go up to the mountains of Naboo to visit Padme's sister, Sola Naberrie and her family, after the funeral of Leia Organa. Ben begins to have visions of Snoke and makes a deadly mistake. 
> 
> *Major Plot Twist*

Cattsu stood at the top of the stairs, leading out onto a rooftop marble terrace, with Luke and watched as Ben gave her padawan, Filonia, a lesson in lightsaber and Force use. She enjoyed seeing Ben and Filonia bond and laugh and be playful together, and hoped that it renewed Ben's desire to delve back into the Jedi Order. 

"I used to love practicing this with Sifo, it's hilarious... Okay, so just hold the lightsaber above your head with both hands in a position for a downward attack." Ben demonstrated. 

"Like this?" Filonia asked, his hands raised above his head.

"Exactly like that... okay so now all you're going to do is just...."

Ben cut out his instructions and instead ignited his lightsaber as he brought it down on his invisible opponent, but as soon as he came down, he cut the power to the weapon, and pulled his hands up, bringing with them a concentrated Force-pull that knocked Filonia off of his feet and falling to the hard ground. Ben, Luke and Cattsu laughed as Filonia looked stunned, scrambling to pick his lightsaber back off of the ground. 

"Oh don't take it too hard, my _very young apprentice_ , he used to do it to Sifo on an almost daily basis. You'll figure out how to block him eventually." She chuckled and then returned to her conversation with Luke, no longer paying attention to the lesson. 

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry but just think, one day you'll get to do it to your padawan and then the tradition will be passed." Filonia half-heartedly nodded, his pride as bruised as his behind. "Why don't we practice something else? A little target practice?"

"Yea, okay, that sounds good." Filonia answered, prepared to impress the legendary Force user. 

Ben began picking up small rocks with the Force and hurling them towards Filonia, who had his eyes closed. 

"Good, good.... _feel it moving_.. it's like a current, stop and feel the movement of it... here, I'll close my eyes as well..."

Ben got closer to the young Jedi and put his hand on his shoulder. He began to feel the quietness engulfing him and the subtle movements of the Force filling him, and then he heard a pebble move. Ben opened his eyes and saw a large, shrouded, dark figure move across the courtyard. His grip on Filonia's shoulder tightened and he ignited Cattsu's lightsaber again. 

"Sir... are you alright? _Your grip_.." Filonia began.

"Did you see that?" Ben asked quickly cutting the padawan off. 

"Did I see what, Sir?" Filonia asked, powering his lightsaber on as well and scanning the courtyard, only to see Cattsu and Luke sitting on a bench, just out of earshot, engulfed in their conversation. " _I don't see anything_.."

" _Right_.. well, it was probably an animal or something." Ben said, not really believing his own explanation. The two Jedi powering their lightsabers down. "Back to feeling the current.. close your eyes, embrace the silence, and breathe it in... _good_." 

" _Kylo Ren_." A low, ominous voice whispered to Ben. 

Ben opened his eyes immediately and scanned the area again. _Nothing_. 

"Sir... are you sure you're okay? Should I get Master Dyas?" Filonia asked, wincing in pain from Ben's vice grip on his shoulder. 

" **THERE**! _Right_ _there_! You didn't see _that_? Someone is up here. Someone said my name... _Filonia_ , how could you _not_ hear that?" Ben raised his voice. 

"Sir, _you're hurting me_.." Filonia tried to wriggle away from Ben's hold. Cattsu and Luke looked up momentarily from their conversation to see what the small commotion was about. 

Ben let go of Filonia and took a small step backwards. "I... I'm sorry, Filonia.. _I don_.. I don't know what's going on..." Ben rubbed his eyes, but when he opened them again and allowed them to refocus, he found that Supreme Leader Snoke was directly behind Filonia. 

" _Kill me before I kill all of them_." Snoke taunted. 

" **LEAVE THEM ALONE!** " Ben screamed as he pushed Filonia to the ground and ran after the black, hooded imposing figure that ran towards the stairs leading away from the corridor. This outburst finally caught Cattsu and Luke's attention, and they ran to Filonia's side.

"What is going on?!" Cattsu asked. "Is this part of the exercise?"

" _No_.. I don't know, Master, _he_ -he was teaching me about the flow of the Force one moment and the next he was screaming about someone else being up here." 

"Oh no... _**BEN**_!" Cattsu grabbed Filonia's lightsaber from his hand, turned around and ran towards the man, chasing ghosts away from the courtyard. 

" **YOU. WILL. NOT. HURT. HER.** " Ben grunted as he scarred the marble stairs with each slash and slice of the Jedi weapon. "I will kill you, Snoke." He continued to lay into the staircase, clearly seeing the Supreme Leader under him, dodging every swipe of the blade. 

"Ben... Ben... _stop_." Cattsu tried to put her hand on his shoulder, and barely placed her padawan's lightsaber in between her body and Ben's weapon before he hurt her. 

"You need to die." Ben snarled through gritted teeth, he began to fight the Supreme Leader who somehow got from underneath him to behind him. 

A lightsaber battle ensued between Cattsu and Ben, all while Cattsu was attempting to convince Ben that she was not Supreme Leader Snoke. He thrashed and stabbed, and tried to get passed her lightsaber, but was woefully out of practice. 

" _You shall die now."_ Snoke whispered tauntingly to Ben. 

Ben withdrew his lightsaber and reached out with the Force, clenching his fist to choke Snoke, tighter and tighter as he heard the evil beast choke and cough.  

"Ben... Ben.... stop.." Cattsu pleaded as her feet hung just above the ground and she thrashed in breathless pain. 

Luke ran over and hit Ben on the back of his head with the hilt of his lightsaber. Simultaneously, Ben and Cattsu dropped to the ground, Ben unconscious and Cattsu gasping and coughing for air. Luke and Filonia gathered around and watched as the color in her face went from purple to red. She shooed the two Jedi off of her and rubbed her fingertips against her tender throat. 

"We need to get him to the medical droid..." She managed to get out, as she looked up at Luke hovering over her. 

* * *

 

She stared at Ben, sedated and laying on a floating medical bed, and felt her heart sink that they were back in a medical bay again, with him unconscious on the table. The Naboo doctor walked from Ben's bed back to Cattsu's to check the tenderness of her throat. 

"Your ability to speak will be diminished for at least two days, but it should return normally after that." The doctor said.

"How is he?" Cattsu whispered in a raspy voice. 

"Mister Solo is physically healthy and should come out of sedation soon. The scans found nothing to explain for the hallucinations. We can run more blood tests, but I don't think they'll find anything either." Cattsu shook her head, denying the doctor permission to run more tests on Ben, agreeing that they would be useless as well. 

"How is she?" Luke asked, as he stood at the foot of her bed. 

The doctor turned to Cattsu and took her hands, in her own, trying to comfort her. "Your throat suffered minimal damage and the rest of you is physically fine. I'm glad to say that you and your fetus will make a full recovery." The doctor smiled. 

Cattsu looked up at the doctor's face, with a completely blank expression. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure if I heard you... did you say _fetus_?"

"I'm so sorry... I thought you knew.." Cattsu shook her head slightly, her glance reverting back to Ben. "I apologize for the surprise... I'll just leave you all then.." The doctor slowly walked out of the room and left Luke and Cattsu stunned. __

* * *

Cattsu sat in the chair at the side of Ben's bed, holding his hand and waiting for him to wake up from his sedation. Luke watched from the chair in the corner of the room, as Cattsu blankly stared at Ben's face for hours. Finally, he began to stir. Luke rose and walked up behind Cattsu's seat, concerned that Ben could still be confused and hallucinating and may attack his wife again. 

Ben jolted forward in bed. "Where is he??! Where is Snoke?" He said quickly, as he rubbed the back of his head, where Luke had hit him earlier. 

"Snoke is dead, Ben." Cattsu whispered, gripping his hand tight to try to keep him contained to the bed. 

"But I saw him... he was trying to hurt you, he was going to kill you all..." Ben reasoned. 

"No, Ben, your mind was playing tricks on you. You thought Snoke was Cat and you choked her instead." Luke said, frustrated that his nephew didn't remember. Cattsu raised her hand to Luke's chest, lightly pushing him away from the bed and away from Ben. 

" **No**! No! I was choking Snoke.. I was.. I.. I could have sworn he was here." 

"You and I killed Supreme Leader Snoke almost two years ago, Ben. We cremated his body to make sure that he could not come back. It was a vision." Luke said, trying to be more patient. 

"You and Snoke shared the master and apprentice relationship for years, your bond was strong, it's not hard to believe that he could still be coming to you in such vivid visions." Cattsu tried to explain through her raspiness. 

Ben furrowed his brow and rubbed both of his hands over his face, trying to understand what happened. "Are you hurt.. I didn't mean to.." 

"I know, and I'll be fine.... _but_.." Cattsu turned to Luke for a moment. "Luke, could you give us a moment?" Luke sighed and returned to his seat at the edge of the room. "Ben, I think that I have been ignoring the signs that have told me that you are having a hard time and just hoped that it would get better but after today, it obviously isn't. I think you need to get some help."

"What do you mean 'get some help'?" Ben asked, a bit offended. 

"I have tried so many times to get you to talk about what you went through or are going through. I have tried to be there for you but you won't talk to me, and that's fine. I am not sure that I would fully understand what happened to you but you need to talk to someone. Especially now." She explained to him, gently and quietly.

"Especially now?" Ben narrowed his eyes, not understanding.

"Ben, we're pregnant."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't actually going to include the Ben and Cattsu pregnancy part of this story until a much later chapter but I decided to go with it because I have been watching so many YouTube videos lately about what was right and wrong about the original trilogy and the prequels and the great majority agree that the moment when Padme tells Anakin that she is pregnant is actually one of the best moments of the prequels, and I totally agree and I guess that scene has just been stuck in my head. 
> 
> I also began watching Star Wars Rebels and *SPOILERS* in one of the recent episodes, Ezra was seeing visions of Darth Maul on a rebel base when no one else could see him, and he almost harms a pilot with his lightsaber because he is so confused and blinded by the Force. I was really inspired by that scene, because Ben has seen trauma just like Ezra has and Ezra shared the special bond through the Dark Side of the Force with Maul, just like Ben did with Snoke and so I was thinking that it would be completely plausible for the same situation to happen to Ben. 
> 
> I also really wanted to give Ben something extra to fight for, something else to motivate him, because while he loves and is in love with Cattsu, he is feeling safe in the fact that she has forgiven him and is not going anywhere so he is feeling unmotivated to tell anyone what's really happening to him and to seek help to get better. 
> 
> That's exactly what he'll do in the next chapter. We are at a turning point for Ben.


End file.
